The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

How to Get Him to Tell the Truth

By Mina Azodi Cosmopolitan

Like it or not, every guy, even the nice ones, won’t tell the truth now and then, says Xavier Amador, PhD, author of I’m Right, You’re Wrong, Now What? Of course, lying about big things, like cheating, is a deal breaker. But if he’s fudging the details about smaller stuff — such as whether he really needs to work late on the same night as your best friend’s birthday dinner or why he’s been moody all weekend — he’s probably not doing it to hurt you.

“Men tell little lies to avoid conflict,” Amador says. The next time you get that nagging feeling that he’s full of it, use these strategies to trigger a voluntary confession.

Bring His Guard Down

Put him at ease and he’ll be more likely to blab. Position yourself across the room from him — if he’s sitting on the couch, sit on the floor, 6 to 9 feet away. “When a guy is on edge, his personal-space bubble expands, and sitting lower than him signals that it’s a nonthreatening conversation,” says Janine Driver, body-language and deception-detection expert. Also, face him at an angle, which is less intimidating to him than being head-on.

Then start with a general question that’s related to the lie. If you suspect he fibbed about doing something you had asked, say something like “So how did that thing go?” Meanwhile, appear distracted by flipping TV channels or messing around on your laptop. “This will get him talking, because it feels like you’ve initiated a routine conversation, not an interrogation,” Driver says.

Avoid Accusations

Next, lead him to the truth by making a nonconfrontational statement — now is not the time to test the skills you’ve cribbed from Law & Order. Say these five magic words: “Is there any reason why…” and complete the sentence by describing how you think he may be deceiving you. For example, “Is there any reason why you wouldn’t want to come to Sarah’s party with me?” It’ll seem like a request for information, not an accusation, says Driver. If he still skirts the issue, ask “Really?” in a confused tone, and wait quietly. According to Driver, staying silent subtly ups the pressure without making him feel cornered.

Don’t Make Him Regret It

Ultimately, you have to make him feel safe. “Let him know you won’t punish him for telling the truth and he’ll be less likely to lie in the first place,” Amador says.

When he confesses, find a way to cool off — hang out with friends or go shopping — then talk about how you can make your relationship more open. Driver suggests thanking him for coming clean. Say “I appreciate your telling the truth. You always do, and I admire that about you.” This is a line that cops use during questioning. “You’re assigning him a trait you want him to have — honesty,” says Driver. “As a result, he’s more likely to own up in the future.”

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Babes, Rubber Bands and Cheese

I dont know what to make of this game, but it sure looks like a lot of fun.    Must be a European game…

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Not To Screw Up A First Date

seen on justaguything.com

You’ve finally scored a date with that hot girl you’ve had your eye on. You better not blow it! First dates can be nerve-wrecking times for both men and women, but here are ten tips from Susannah Breslin who blogs over at TheFrisky.com on how to not screw up a first date:

Take Charge. We do not want to decide where to go. We will never tell you this, but it is true. Ask us what kind of place and/or food we like; then, pick a place like that. Do not leave it up to us to choose. You are the man. Act like one.   Smile. When we arrive, smile. Maybe you are a tough guy. Maybe you are nervous. Maybe you are paralyzed. Either way, smile. Women are strange, exotic, intuitive creatures, and we respond well to positive reinforcement. Do not glower.   Mind Your Body Language. If your legs are crossed and your hand is over your mouth, we will unconsciously think you are hiding something. If you are sprawled out all over with your legs spread wide and your hands behind your head, we will think you are a slob or generally loose. Sit up straight, lean in closer, and keep your hands where we can see them.

Ask Questions. This seems obvious, but it’s surprising how many men don’t do this. You know what women like? Attention. Also, kittens, flowers, and cupcakes. Nothing else. If you seem curious about the woman sitting across from you, she will like it. For sure.   Listen. You can’t just ask a bunch of questions, and then not listen to the answers. They call this a “date,” but, really, for women, it’s more like a “test.” If you emailed or talked on the phone beforehand, remember what the hell she told you about herself. If you forget, we will feel angry and want to leave. Then you will be sorry.   Use Flattery, Appropriately. If at some point during our meeting, you t   ell us we are “beautiful,” “attractive,” or “pretty,” we will like you better than if you didn’t. It’s. Just. That. Simple.

Act Right, Boy. We really do not care if you are secretly neurotic, deeply insecure, or mildly nuts. We are interested in how you portray yourself. Act confident, interested, engaged, self-assured, ambitious, and happy. We like that. Thanks.   No Pawing Allowed. If you’re going to score with us at some point, we will let you know. Trust. Occasional physical contact is OK—a hand to the small of the back, a touch of the thigh, a brief holding of the arm while making a point. Do not grab anywhere in the red light zones. If we want your hands there, we will put them there.

Pay. Feminism, shmeminism. Take care of the bill without comment. That is what we want. Wave off any offer to go dutch. We lied. We don’t want to pay half.

Say Goodnight. Don’t meander off into the night. Do something. What that is is up to you: a handshake, a hug, a kiss. Do it right? You might get a second date.

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Signs You Are A Sex Addict

Sex addiction can involve many different sexual antics; it may be a strong desire to have sex, masturbate, watch porn or flirt. A person is defined as a sex addict when his behavior gets out of control and starts to have a negative impact on his life. These feelings and behaviors cause a great deal of shame, hopelessness and confusion for the sex addict. These feelings are also normally accompanied by denial, despite it being an unmanageable problem in the sex addict’s life. 

Sexual addiction takes up a great deal of energy, and you know you’re in trouble when your behavior causes relationship breakdowns, job problems, legal issues, and a loss of interest in anything non-sexual. If you suspect you have a problem, read on for some signs that you might be a sex addict.

Note: Understand that there is a big difference between a creep and a bona fide sex addict, so being a general pervert or filth monger doesn’t qualify you as a sex addict. Being a sex addict means your sexual desires are significantly impinging on your life in a negative way — which does not include being unable to pick up, by the way.  

You’re leading a double life

Do you have an extra girlfriend or mistress? Do you regularly cheat on your partner?  Do you keep your sex life a secret from those around you? Leading a double life for sexual gain can be a sign you’re a sex addict. It is true that many people (men and women alike) cheat on their partners, but a compulsion to do so is abnormal. Keeping your sex life a secret may also point to a problem: Why don’t you want to reveal your activities? When you know that what you are doing is wrong but you can’t seem to help yourself, you have a problem. 

You frequently seek out sexual material

A preoccupation with all things sex can lead to a very narrow existence. When you constantly and consistently only seek out media that is sex-related, this might be a sign you’re a sex addict. We are not referring to the average guy who enjoys watching the occasional porn, looking at photographs or reading sex articles; it refers to the guy who is always seeking out sexually related material to the exclusion of most other things. It could also include a preoccupation with things like adult dating sites; perhaps you are not being very productive at work because you are desperately seeking Susan/Sarah/Savannah.  

You’re compromising your personal relationships

This sign you’re a sex addict refers to compromising your relationship with your girlfriend or wife, but it can easily extend to social and work circles as well. You may cheat, be deceptive or be untrue to yourself and your partner in a variety of ways. Being unfaithful doesn’t just mean having sexual contact with another person; it can be demonstrated in other ways like regularly visiting strip clubs or X-rated movie theaters without your partner’s knowledge.   Continue to read…

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment