The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

The Sweetest Kiss

By: Kristen R. Stephens  DivineCaroline.com

I still can’t decide which was better: the way he kissed me or the way he looked at me.

I’m not sure how it even started. We were just standing in the kitchen and before I knew it, my back was pressed against the countertop’s edge, his arms around me, his lips kissing mine, tentatively at first, then more passionately later, but never forceful.

His hands didn’t wander like the hands of men before him or the way the hands of men to come would. They rubbed my back, and occasionally they found their way into my hair. He was respectful and soft, yet still sexy and strong.

Every once in a while, we’d stop for a few seconds and look at each other. Not in the sickeningly-sweet-romantic way, or the I-can’t-wait-to-rip-your-clothes-off way. It was more a mixture of curiosity and surprise. I had no idea I was even attracted to you, my eyes must have said. Me either, his said back. But now we know and we’re wasting time, so let’s get back to it. But not before he smiled at me—the sexiest, sweetest, most beautiful smile that had ever been intended solely for me. I could feel my heart trying to pound out of my chest. I smiled back at him and we both laughed.

Something happened when we kissed. It sounds crazy, but we seemed to get each other without even really knowing each other. Or maybe it was just that we came together when were at exactly the same place. Looking back on it now, maybe that’s what brought us together.

It would be years later before I understood the place I was in that night. (Why does hindsight make us so smart?) My self-esteem had taken a beating in my two previous relationships and though I didn’t know it at the time, those relationships were the beginning of an abusive dating pattern that would last for years. Carrying all that history around had made me a little fragile. I didn’t trust anyone, and I wasn’t sure I would ever find anyone who could deal with all my flaws.

So when we took another kissing hiatus and he stared at me as if I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, my stomach did flips. No one had ever looked at me like that before. I didn’t get it. I didn’t even know him. But we seemed to understand each other on so many levels. I felt like maybe he had his own history and that helped him identify and understand mine. And he was okay with just kissing me. He wasn’t pushing for more; he wasn’t trying to hustle me back to his house to see how far he could get with me.

We went on like that for maybe fifteen minutes, kissing, staring, smiling, and laughing.  Then we heard footsteps coming into the kitchen and we remembered we weren’t alone. We pulled away from each other and reality came crashing back in. It was late and people were going home. We said goodbye, careful not to do anything that might give us away to the others. As he walked out the door, he turned and gave me that amazing smile again, but it was even better now because it held a secret that only the two of us knew. I waved to him and said good-bye.

I never saw him again.

But to this day, that was still the sweetest, sexiest kiss I’ve ever had. I like thinking about it every now and then and wondering where he is. It gives me a little hope of what—and who—might be out there for me.

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Everyone Else is Cheating—So Why Aren’t You?

Spitzer, Edwards, Sanford, Letterman. Not since Clinton rolled a Cuban in Lewinsky has our country so gorged itself on the scurrilous details of extramarital dalliances. Thousand-dollar hookers. The predilection for doing it “raw.” The secret love child. The back entrances at the Beverly Hills Hilton. Those e-mails about “magnificently gentle kisses” and “tan lines.” It’s as if some evil scientist had activated a microchip in all of us that made us behave like goats. One click, one maniacal cackle, and Gomorrah is upon us.

As a nation, we did our part in each instance by exhibiting the requisite outrage and disgust. We devoted airtime and newsprint to lengthy discussions about the libido of the powerful male, his insatiable appetite and subconscious propensity for self-destruction. We wanted answers. We wanted justice. Most of all, we wanted to believe that this was the exception and not the rule—when, in fact, everyone from the club-prowling playboy to the Similac-smeared Dad of the Year is prone to—likely even wired for—this behavior.

What none of us want to consider when we get to that “forsaking all others” clause in our marriage vows is that infidelity is more common than obesity in this country. According to a recent University of Washington study, 28 percent of men will cheat on their wives at some point in their lives. By comparison, only 25 percent of Americans qualify as fat, according to a 2008 report by the Centers for Disease Control. And when you lower the stakes, adultery seems to become even more attractive: 74 percent of men say they’d have an affair if they knew they’d never get caught, reports InfidelityFacts.com. Somewhere between “I do” and “Be sure to leave the light on,” we became the men we said we would never be—the kind who kiss their wives good night and then fantasize about the redhead who was on the next elliptical that morning. We’ve spawned a cottage industry with our bad behavior: from private investigators and reality-TV shows dedicated to nailing the cheaters to AA-style support groups, weekend retreats, and crisis centers committed to healing the victims.

“A lot of people are coming to terms with the unnaturalness of monogamy,” says David P. Barash, coauthor of Strange Bedfellows: The Surprising Connection Between Evolution, Sex and Monogamy. “But there’s a difference between the public persona—what we like to think of each other—and what we all know goes on.” Barash, a zoologist and psychologist, has spent years debunking the notion that we have it within ourselves to remain faithful for long stretches of time. Turns out it’s just as unnatural for man as it is for almost any other member of the animal kingdom. One notable exception is Diplozoon paradoxum, a tiny parasitic worm that inhabits the intestines of fish and mates for life—but really, what are your options in there?    Continue reading…

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

21 Ways to Say “I Love You” Without Saying a Word

WebMD Feature from “Redbook” Magazine

By Sara Anderson

You already know it’s important for you and your guy to tell each other “I love you” — as often as possible. But you shouldn’t depend on those three little words to let your one-and-only know what’s in your heart. In fact, nonverbal displays of affection are often a better way to get through to the man in your life. “Guys tend to be action-oriented, so they feel less comfortable using words to express emotions,” says REDBOOK  Love Network expert and psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. “They’ve seen enough Tom Hanks movies to know they’re supposed to always say ‘I love you,’ but they’re not sure that words alone convey how they feel.”

Ready to let what you do speak louder than what you say? We asked REDBOOK readers and the men in their lives to share some sweet ideas. Plus, we added in some expert tips on how to give your love a boost without uttering a word.

“Sometimes I ‘write’ a love message on my husband’s breakfast toast. Using cookie cutters, especially my Valentine’s Day set of hearts, I press one lightly into a slice of bread, just hard enough to imprint it, then I toast it. It never fails to bring a smile to his face.” —Anita Crehan, Mason, NH

ROMANCE, REVISITED

“Every now and then I leave a card saying how much I love and appreciate him under his pillow for him to find before he goes to sleep.” —Cim Collins, Springfield, IL

“My wife, Leigh Anne, sometimes has to travel for work, and when she gets home, I give her a small gift for every day she has been gone. I’ll set them on the kitchen table and wait for her to notice them — things like her favorite perfume, fresh flowers, or a cool piece of hand-made jewelry. I love to spoil her!” —John Montgomery, Birmingham, AL

“I place special little love notes, cartoons, jokes, or small articles — sometimes racy ones — in her underwear drawer. She never knows what to expect next. She gets a big kick out of them and knows it is my way of saying I love her.” —Joe Cirillo Jr., Englewood, FL

“When I take a shower at night, I write messages on the fogged-up mirrors so they appear when he takes a shower in the morning before he goes to work.” —Jackie Peirce, Oley, PA

MAKE LIFE A LITTLE EASIER

“My husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush and leaves it lying on the sink for me every night before bed. He is the sweetest husband ever!” —Lisa Wilkes-North, Heath, TX

“I scour the TV listings for his favorite movies or a sporting event that I know he’d love to watch. I TiVo it without telling him, then surprise him with it on Saturday morning. Bonus: While he’s on the couch, I’ve just bought myself some me-time. Manicure, pedicure, here I come!” —Cindy Panowicz, Grand Island, NE      Continue reading…

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Your Fear Of Rejection Holding You Back?

via AskMen.com

I could never understand how some men have no fear of fighting, parachuting, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, and even going to war in times of need. Yet, when it comes to approaching women, their jaws lock and their knees start to wobble.

What is it about a woman that makes some of the strongest and courageous men freeze in their tracks? Is there some kind of chill in the air? Do women have some kind of secret weapon that makes us tongue-tied in their presence? Of course not; men are just too proud to risk rejection.

The big fear

The main reason most men panic when they approach women is their fear of rejection. This is a very natural preoccupation, as it is human nature to fear the unknown or, at the very least, the inexperience of making first contact with women.

So why is it that today’s men don’t practice as much as their forefathers? Probably because there is a lot more pressure for a man to succeed, as well as repercussions if he doesn’t.

Over the past three decades, women have become more independent, liberated and are no longer afraid of making demands. And if these demands are not met, most women won’t hesitate to move on to the next best thing (whatever that may be). This has left a lot of men feeling confused and lost as to how to approach a woman without scaring her off.

Too much pressure?

Most men believe that they’re expected to make the perfect first move; you’re expected to do it respectfully, gracefully, yet not too aggressively, otherwise you’ll be labeled a pervert, a pig or even be accused of sexual harassment. This pressure, in turn, has grown into a great monster, which leads a lot of men to avoid the hassle altogether.

Most of the shy men I’ve encountered have the same grievance: “I’d like to meet more women. But I’m scared of being rejected. Today’s women are too eager to hit the ‘reject’ trigger because they assume that any man who approaches them is a pervert.”

Overcome your fear of rejection. Begin by learning how to play the mating game… I could never understand how some men have no fear of fighting, parachuting, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, and even going to war in times of need. Yet, when it comes to approaching women, their jaws lock and their knees start to wobble.

What is it about a woman that makes some of the strongest and courageous men freeze in their tracks? Is there some kind of chill in the air? Do women have some kind of secret weapon that makes us tongue-tied in their presence? Of course not; men are just too proud to risk rejection.

The big fear

The main reason most men panic when they approach women is their fear of rejection. This is a very natural preoccupation, as it is human nature to fear the unknown or, at the very least, the inexperience of making first contact with women.

So why is it that today’s men don’t practice as much as their forefathers? Probably because there is a lot more pressure for a man to succeed, as well as repercussions if he doesn’t.

Over the past three decades, women have become more independent, liberated and are no longer afraid of making demands. And if these demands are not met, most women won’t hesitate to move on to the next best thing (whatever that may be). This has left a lot of men feeling confused and lost as to how to approach a woman without scaring her off.

Too much pressure?

Most men believe that they’re expected to make the perfect first move; you’re expected to do it respectfully, gracefully, yet not too aggressively, otherwise you’ll be labeled a pervert, a pig or even be accused of sexual harassment. This pressure, in turn, has grown into a great monster, which leads a lot of men to avoid the hassle altogether.

Most of the shy men I’ve encountered have the same grievance: “I’d like to meet more women. But I’m scared of being rejected. Today’s women are too eager to hit the ‘reject’ trigger because they assume that any man who approaches them is a pervert.”

Overcome your fear of rejection. Begin by learning how to play the mating game…

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

6 Tricks to Sex After a Divorce

By Julie Bogart, Sirens Magazine

As hard to believe as it may seem amid splitting up CD collections and hiring lawyers, there is (sex) life after divorce. And when you’re ready to take your friend’s, your mother’s, or your therapist’s advice and “get back out there,” there is much to discover—about yourself, your body, and, well, the act itself.

“While it may be a sad time in a woman’s life, the post-divorce period can also be a time of new sexual discoveries,” says sex psychologist Dennis Lin. And these sexual experiences “can be absolutely fabulous—and very different from what you were used to, especially as your marriage deteriorated,” according to Dale Koppel, author of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating.”

Sex as you know it could be forever altered—and for the better. Like with any uncharted territory, there will, of course, be a few surprises along the way. And though these surprises are part of the fun, it can’t hurt to have some idea of what you’re getting yourself into once you put yourself back on the market:

You Might Feel Like a Teenager—Again

Dating again—and having sex with someone new—can be “scary and exciting all together,” says Cathie Helfand, a psychotherapist and family life educator.

“Emotionally, I tell everyone to expect to feel about 15 years old,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, therapist and author of “Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go.” “Having sex with someone new after being married for a long time will likely feel strange and awkward and can be much more emotional than one might think.”

Women shouldn’t push themselves into anything they don’t feel comfortable doing, she says. Even though you may feel like one, you’re not a teenager, and  “you need to take charge of how quickly the sex part of a relationship goes.”

First-Time Jitters Come Standard

Unfortunately, those pesky “first-time” nerves are part of the return-to-adolescence package. However, as an adult, you can find more effective ways to overcome them than you did when you were a kid. “It’s virtually impossible to get over that ‘first-time’ nervousness, so don’t even try,” says Koppel. “Instead, tell the man how nervous you are. He’ll most likely admit to being nervous, too.”

Whatever you do, don’t feel guilty about having sex with a new partner, says Lin. “You’re divorced; it’s not cheating.” Also, “remember that different people have sex differently. Be observant of your new partner’s likes and dislikes, and communicate your likes and dislikes to him. Enjoy the new experience and have fun.”

It Pays to Be Prepared

Yet another way to get over the proverbial first-time hump is to simply be prepared. “Start buying sexy lingerie—and condoms,” advises Koppel. Gadoua recommends visiting a local sex/lingerie shop or checking out Good Vibrations to learn more about the hows and whys of safe sex.    Continue reading…

January 5, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s More to Sex Than a Cum Shot to the Face: What Men Should Unlearn from Hardcore Porn

By Vanessa Richmond, AlterNet

There are no more male porn virgins. A Canadian study released this week sought to compare the views of 20-something men who watch porn with those who don’t. They couldn’t find a single one who hadn’t seen any. “Guys who do not watch pornography do not exist,” concluded the lead researcher, Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse of the University of Montreal’s School of Social Work.

Guys who watch a lot of pornography, however, are easy to find. Of the 20-something heterosexual men they interviewed, most had sought out pornography for the first time at age 10. The single men among them, on average, watch porn three times a week for 40 minutes, and those in relationships, 1.7 times a week for around 20 minutes. In no small part that’s because porn so easy to find: 90 percent of consumption is on the Internet, while only 10 percent is from the video store.

But no matter: the authors of the study concluded that the sex lives of their young subjects were “pretty conventional, almost identical to their parents,” that “pornography has been demonized and that its effects are negligible.” And that pornography is not a “neurotoxin” that damages the brain as some anti-pornography “crusaders” claim: “As for the persistent perception that pornography breeds crime against women: aggressive men don’t need porn as an incentive to be violent.”

I can accept that pornography doesn’t make its audience violent, and that most people’s sex lives are still pretty conventional. But when I asked my friends about their experiences, they couldn’t disagree more that porn’s effects are negligible. Few of my friends are anti-porn. None think pornography makes men violent. But all say porn has changed their male partners’ approach to sex. Like the authors of the recent glut of articles on the topic, my friends mention everything from new pubic hair preferences to new special requests. One friend said she’s dreading her boyfriend’s upcoming birthday because he views it as his “anything he wants” night. While she doesn’t mind dressing up, she’s dreading the “porn requests” (she didn’t specify what those are, so we can only imagine).

In a recent piece on Salon, Mary Elizabeth Williams realized porn had changed her sex life when her partner asked, for the 18th time, without noticing that she wasn’t answering, “You like that, baby?” And then it hit her: “I wasn’t just having bad sex. I was having bad porn sex.”

Williams and others are experiencing firsthand the effect porn has had not just on grown men who grew up without it and are now watching it, but on the young generation that grew up watching it. And the effect on that generation — Generation Y — is even more significant, especially given the dearth of real sex ed. According to an article in Details, “The awkward truth…is that 90 percent of 8- to-16-year-olds have viewed pornography online. Considering the standard climax to even the most vanilla hard-core scene today, that means there is an entire generation of young people who think sex ends with a money shot to the face.”   Continue reading…

January 5, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Men Fake Orgasms? What?

By Elizabeth Black, AlterNet

If you thought that only women faked orgasms, you’d be wrong. Plenty of men fake their way out of the sack. How on earth can a guy even fake an orgasm? What is he going to do, spray dish detergent and try to pass it off as semen? More importantly, why would a man want to pull off this kind of bluff?

Apparently, lots of men fake the Big “O” and some were willing to talk to me about it. I asked men in an online sex forum how many had faked orgasms, and I received some very fascinating – and distressing — answers. Steve found himself in an awkward position when he bedded a woman to whom he was not very attracted, but he felt the pressure to perform. “I wasn’t able to manage to keep it up for long because I really, really wasn’t enjoying myself,” he wrote. “So as I realized that I was going to be a limp noodle at any moment anyway, I pretended to cum then quickly disposed of the condom. Definitely not one of my prouder moments.” Alex expressed similar sentiments when he admitted his reasons and method for faking. ” … there were a variety of reasons. Most commonly, it was just pure boredom and my attention span with someone had ceased or a very determined girl that wouldn’t accept the fact that I just wasn’t going to get off at that moment in time.” Chris admitted that exhaustion was his reason for faking it. “To be fair, I think each time it was at least the third fuck of the day,” he wrote. “And it was nice at first, but after a while I just wanted it over with. I wouldn’t dream of doing that now though.”

The exact percentage of men who fake orgasms varies depending on the source. The ABC News Primetime Live Poll: The American Sex Survey (2004) reported that eleven percent of men surveyed said they had faked orgasms. A study by Muehlenhard and Shippee of students at the University of Kansas (2009) found that as many as twenty-five percent of men surveyed reported that they faked orgasms on occasion. While there are many ways men who fake orgasms get away with it, the most common way is to use a condom. What will the partner do, inspect the rubber? Another way men fake orgasm is to say they don’t make much ejaculate. When a woman is already wet and slick with her own arousal, she’s likely to believe him.

It turns out that men fake orgasms for many of the same reasons women do. The most common reasons for faking orgasms cited by men in that internet sex forum were (1) not particularly aroused or into their partner, (2) boring sex, (3) difficulties holding an erection or coming, (4) not wanting to disappoint their partner, (5) performance anxiety, and (6) fatigue. While men’s stated reasons for faking orgasms are similar to women’s reasons, the question is, why fake an orgasm instead of just saying that you want to stop having sex? What kind of pressures are men under that makes them feel as if they have to fake it? Alex, Steve, and Chris described a very common pressure men experience: they feel a strong need to perform, and this pressure is based on the influence of porn culture, media, advertising, and magazine articles. Bombarded with pornographic images, commercials touting erection-enhancing drugs like Viagra, and magazine articles about how to keep thrusting until she screams for mercy, men are under a tremendous amount of pressure to come hard, come fast, and give their partners orgasms so intense that plaster falls off the walls.

No wonder so many men have trouble enjoying sex and coming to orgasm!

So what’s to blame for such dismal sexual experiences? Patriarchy, of course. Sexuality under patriarchy has long been known to penalize women. However, patriarchy has also negatively impacted men’s sexuality by placing most of their focus on their erections, penis size, performance, orgasms, and ejaculation. 

How can men rethink their sexuality in such a way that opens up all the possibilities for sexual enjoyment and emotional closeness that is discouraged under the stunted view of sex according to patriarchy? According to Patti Brisben, the CEO and founder of Pure Romance, in her article “Why You Shouldn’t Fake An Orgasm”, “by faking pleasure, you’re not only neglecting your needs, but you aren’t being honest with your spouse. Let’s face it, if you’re faking in the bedroom, where else are you faking? Being in a committed relationship is about being open enough to communicate about all aspects, especially the tougher topics that may embarrass you like issues regarding your sexuality.”

When men equate good sex with a huge erection and a rocking climax, they overlook the rest of the sex act and especially the emotional closeness that makes sex such a powerful and caring experience. Women have always had the “Not tonight, honey. I have a headache” excuse to get out of unsatisfying sex, but men have no similar alternative. The patriarchal view of men encourages them to rut like dogs, as if they were animals that cannot control their sexual urges – fuck anything that moves and fuck it hard. Rather than focus so much on their erections and ejaculation, as they have been instructed since they found their first lad magazine touting performance and orgasms, men can change their sexual outlook so that not only they but their partners benefit.

Once David admitted to his ex that he had been pretending to come into a towel, their sex life improved. He said, “I used to fake it on a regular basis with my ex. She was a selfish lover and after a good hour of doing all of the work I’d get tired. Rather than dealing with her being upset that I didn’t come, I would pull out and fake cumming into a towel. Once I realized how stupid that was, I told her and our sex life did improve.” Communication is the key to unlocking more rewarding sexual experiences: it helps both genders toss aside societal pressure to perform and help them enjoy the trip as much as the destination.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Health/Sports, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating a Cougar

Cougars. Grrr! Is there a young man amongst us who hasn’t daydreamt about the hot checkout lady or their friend’s foxy mom? It’s ok, fellas; cougar dating is all the rage. If you’re a cub on the prowl for sexy older ladies, though, a word of warning; they’re confident, assertive women who know what they want. Not sure you’ll match up? Here at Cougared.com, the dating site for older women and younger men, we carried out the Cougar Report, finding out just what older women are looking for. Check out our quick guide to the dos and don’ts of dating a cougar.

Don’t expect to be spoiled

In any kind of age-gap relationship, people expect the older partner to shower the younger one with presents, money, expensive dinners, hotel rooms and the like. Well, the new breed of cougar women doesn’t see it like that; after all, why should they pay for you? If you’re out to snag a cougar, make sure you bring your wallet and prepare to split the check; they’re watching out for gold-diggers!

Don’t always expect a casual fling

Cougars may be hot, but they’re also human. Contrary to popular belief, cougar women are not simply machines out for sex, sex and more sex; some are also out for meaningful relationships. So, don’t head out looking for cougars thinking all you’ll find is a one-night stand; they might just want to get their claws into you for longer.

Don’t get freaked out by her previous relationships

“Oh no, she’s got an ex-husband: baggage!” If that’s a phrase likely to come out of your mouth, either grow up and take it like a man, or don’t bother looking for a cougar. 76% of cougar women interviewed by www.cougared.com are either divorced or separated, so if you’re not man enough to handle her past, stick to college girls.

Do go for romance

Even if you’re only looking for some fun, a little romance can go a long way with a cougar. An overwhelming majority of cougars interviewed said that they enjoyed dates involving cosy local restaurants or home-cooked meals rather than constant bar-hopping. By all means meet your cougar in some glitzy club, but if you get as far as a date, show her some romance and you’ll go a long way – perhaps all the way back to her place.

Do show some enthusiasm

The Cougar Report demonstrated that cougars, though attracted by younger men’s physicality, had other reasons for seeking out cubs. The majority of women interviewed were actually put off by dating men closer to them in age due to the tendency for older men to be weighed down with the baggage of failed marriages or long-term relationships and showed a jaded attitude. So, the number one quality a cougar is looking for isn’t a ripped torso; it’s a lust for life. Show some energy and she’ll fall at your feet.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Women as explained by Engineers‏

This post is to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cosmopolitan Launches Sex Position of the Day iPhone App

via justaguything.com

If you’re stuck in a rut with your girlfriend and have absolutely no imagination, the new Sex Position of the Day iPhone app from Cosmopolitan Magazine could help.

This to-go version of The Cosmo Kama Sutra for the iPhone features 77 sex positions direct from the pages of the famed book along with innovative features including the “Slot Machine Effect” and the “Shake,” each of which provides various sex positions for every day.

Cosmo’s Sex Position of the Day app also includes:

  • The Carnal Challenge Rating: the more flames a position displays, the higher the difficulty
  • Erotic Instructions: hints to help you make the most of the position and what to look forward to
  • Colorful Illustration: tasteful visuals that help you understand what the position should look like

Future updates will include additional positions from Cosmo’s Red-Hot Sex Guide and Cosmo’s Aqua Kama Sutra.

Cosmo’s Sex Position of the Day is available on iTunes for $1.99.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Art/Culture, Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Health/Sports, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Health Benefits of Having Sex

by Bravo muffslap.com

So you’re getting hot and heavy with your partner, I’m sure the last thing on your mind is how sex improves your health, and boosts your immune system. Good sex offers these 2 health benefits of much more.

Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York psychologist and sex therapist says, “the idea that we are vital, sexual creatures is still looked at in some cases with disgust or in other cases a bit of embarrassment. So to really take a look at how our sexuality adds to our life and enhances our life and our health, both physical and psychological, is eye-opening for many people.” The health benefits of sex are backed up with scientific scrutiny, so practice safe sex, and live abundantly.

Cures Headaches

Next time your girlfriend complains about her headache, and doesn’t want to have sex, remind her about it relieves pain and stress. Whenever you engage in sexual activity the hormone oxytocin is produced and distributed across your body. Due to this secretion, endorphins are released within your body, improving your mood and reducing pain naturally.

When someone is aroused, oxytocin levels not only increase, but they are the reason that orgasms come about. These increasing oxytocin levels can relieve pain; diminish headaches, cramps, and aid in body recovery.

Reduces Stress, Sleep Better

Studies have revealed that people with healthy sexual lifestyles feel more at ease and handle stress better. When you have an orgasm, an intense wave of relaxation overcomes your body, that’s why a lot of people sleep after climax. A healthy amount of sex helps you sleep better, and gives you a feeling of refreshment and energy throughout the day.

Boosts Immunity

Having sex on a regular basis can mean better physical health. Having sex a couple times a week releases higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA., which protects you against colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University took saliva, which contains IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had. Those who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of IgA than those who reported being abstinent, having sex less than once a week.

In addition, the hormone DHEA (Dehydroepiandrosterone) is released every time you have an orgasm. DHEA keeps skin healthy, improves cognition, boosts your immune system, and even acts as an antidepressant. So keep the orgasms coming, and reap the benefits of a strong mind, body and soul.

Boost Self Esteem

Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist in Cambridge, Mass says, “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it.” Even people with strong self-esteem feel even better after having sex.

Improves Intimacy

Are you having intimacy problems with your partner? Studies have shown that having sex increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which promotes bond and trust with your partner. Oxytocin also promotes generosity, so next time you’re feeling generous in the bedroom, thank oxytocin.

Burns Calories

Sex is a form of exercise burning upwards of 85 calories per 30 minutes. You may think 85 calories, big deal? If you’re sexually active on a monthly basis, you could have 30-50 half-hour sessions.  Let’s average that to 40, and you could burn 3,400 calories in one month, which is nearly equal to 1 pound of weight. In addition to promoting weight loss, sex increases our heart rate and blood flow. Healthy doses of oxygen replenish the body, cleansing our systems of old wasteful products. This is the most pleasurable way to lose weight, improve health, and live longer if you ask me.

Sex Works Magic

The psychological and physical benefits of sex are undeniable. Sex boosts your immune system, reduces stress, fights off diseases, replenishes your body, and much more. Feel better about yourself with healthy doses of sex on a regular basis.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Health/Sports, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Not Going To Be OK

By Jon Skindzier  AskMen.com

If you’re one of those guys still lounging around and waiting for life to happen, consider this: By 35, many of the world’s great men weren’t just working on groundbreaking masterpieces, they’d finished them. Christopher Marlowe had inspired Shakespeare, and died, by the time he was 29; F. Scott Fitzgerald had written The Great Gatsby by 29; and Orson Welles wrote, directed and starred in what’s often considered the greatest film ever made at the doe-eyed age of 25.

In Welles’ day, most of us would have been married with kids by our mid-20s. Popular culture wants to convince us that we can remain young indefinitely (usually through buying things), but 30 is not the new 20 — 30 is 30. If you aren’t well on your way to what you really want to do with your life, you need to start yesterday. It’s not going to be OK unless you get off your ass and start doing something — now.

You are not going to stumble into your dream job

Your current job — what you’re doing right now — is your career and your identity. Does that thought satisfy you? If you took your current title and slapped it on a business card, would you be happy handing that thing out to hot girls, aware that they’d think that’s what you are as a person?

Careers take work. Dreams take even more. Malcolm Gladwell (a Canadian journalist) suggests that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master something, and that “genius” is as much effort as it is talent. Mozart wasn’t some god-child; he was just a kid who practiced his ass off until music was his language. The same thing applies to your future — you can’t expect to succeed if you’re just yawning your way through life with vague, distant dreams. It’s not going to be OK if that’s your approach.

Make it OK: Get to work at maximizing each day and becoming the dude you envision yourself to be now. You’re never going to get to where you want to be if you’re treating your goals like a halfhearted hobby.

Your dream girl will not just roll up and find you

Romantic comedies hinge on two people just wandering into a meaningful relationship. Sitcoms tell us we’ll be right down the hall from gorgeous chicks who will love us for our quirkiness.

These are fiction. These situations do not just happen, and it’s not going to be OK if you think they do. Most guys do get married, but a lot of them wind up on the business end of a shotgun wedding because somebody got pregnant. If you’re leaving your love life up to chance, hoping for destiny to settle things, you’re delusional. You can either put real effort into meeting someone you’ll be thrilled with, or you can flounder between crappy relationships until you’re suddenly the only unmarried guy you know.

Make it OK: Meet people, preferably by going someplace where women are, someplace you actually enjoy. Don’t go to yoga for the chicks if you hate yoga — start with being genuine and confident, and work from there.

We have a few more signs it’s not going to be OK and how you can make it OK by doing something about it

You’re not going to get rich overnight

Outside of winning the lottery (odds: slightly less than being hit by lightning) or just being rich to begin with, wealthy guys have money because they invested or saved. Wealth won’t just fall into your lap, and you won’t just automatically make more money in the future as a matter of course.

According to the 2009 Great Male Survey, 78% of you would only really feel comfortable retiring on a $1 million nest egg. The most important thing is that you don’t see the word “retiring” and assume we’re talking to some old guy — this is what you should be doing.

Make it OK: If you save $4,000 a year at 7%, you’ll wind up with more than twice as much cash at retirement age if you start by 30 instead of 40. So start. Set up an automatic savings plan. Seek out, and care about, financial advice.

Your health doesn’t come with a guarantee

Your body and your brain pretty much quit improving somewhere around age 20. Every year after that, it gets harder to even stay the same, much less to make radical, positive changes. And it’s only going to get harder tomorrow for you to run a mile or bike up a hill than it already is today. Work on the stuff you actually can fix, before you’re saddled with the inevitable stuff (i.e., thinning hair and a slowing metabolism).

Make it OK: Find a gym, or get back to one. Go to your doctor, and your dentist. Quit drinking like you’re 21. Your body remembers your excesses, and will punish you for them.

Don’t leave life to chance

If you think about midlife crises at all, you probably picture some trivial old-guy desperation that happens to other people. But not seeing them coming is what causes them — they’re the sudden realization that youth is irretrievably gone, and you’re more prone to that dawning shock if you’re idling through life and trusting your future to chance. 

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Free To Be Fully Yourself In 2010

Anne Naylor Personal motivation consultant and author,  HuffingtonPost.com

A New Year, a new decade has arrived, bringing perhaps a fresh start. Are you being true to yourself, doing what gives you joy and satisfaction? Are you content with the way your life is going? Or do you feel there may be something missing that you would now like to find?

The turn of a decade may prompt you to change. A simple change of routine can give you a new perspective: finding new ways of going to work; daring yourself to sing, dance or play a musical instrument, when you never thought you could; putting your left leg into your pants first instead of the right, or vice versa. I did that this morning and it felt really weird.

It may take a dramatic turn of events – like job loss, divorce, ill-health – before you get nudged out of a role you had assumed and into being truly happy in your own skin, doing what you most love to do and finding new joy through it. I have observed that people who “retire” often take up a vocation that is closer to their hearts, and reach a peak of life fulfilment, sometimes greater financial success, in their 70’s.

What does it take to be free to be fully yourself? You might risk the disapproval of those you know, but win new friends. You might give up looking through a glass darkly, seeing how wrong things may be, and find the beauty in simple events around you. You may focus on, and appreciate, your strengths and qualities, and stop criticizing your faults and weaknesses. You might take yourself less seriously, and have a good laugh when you do something stupid. You might stop trying to live up to impossible expectations of yourself, and breathe a welcome sigh of relief. You might come to see the world as a friendly place that forgives your mistakes, and welcomes your triumphs with open arms and congratulations.

Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will
and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom…
The power to choose, to respond, to change.

Stephen Covey

You see, I believe we may have much more freedom than we generally realize. As creatures of habit, we tend to get locked in to beliefs, expectations and patterns of behaviour that limit our freedom. How could you be more free? What would it take? And would it be worth it?

Watch how Ricochet changes her career direction for greater meaning, purpose and fun.

5 Keys To Getting Free To Be Yourself

1. Love

Love yourself. Love your enemies. Love your mistakes. Love your way through your challenges. Love is the liberator.

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.

Rabindranath Tagore

2. Let go

Surrender the need to be in control. It has been said that control is the master addiction. Addictions trap you in false expectations.

Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.
Hannah Arendt

3. Discipline

Eliminate the negative – thinking and projecting worst case scenarios. Accentuate the positive – focus on the beauty, joy and peace, in and around you; what it is you want to experience more.

Freedom is from within.

Frank Lloyd Wright

4. Stand tall

Literally. With both feet on the ground. Your head held high. Breathe in deeply. Breathe out any limitations, restrictions, fears, doubts, feelings of being less than who you truly are – a remarkable being, living in an astonishing world at this time.

Freedom lies in being bold.
Robert Frost

5. Act

Take your first step to gaining greater freedom. Give yourself permission to be fully who you truly are, honouring your unique gifts, talents, strengths and abilities. Communicate your intention to those who are important to you. Invite their support.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains,
but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

Nelson Mandela

How could you enjoy greater freedom in your life? Who do you know who inspires you as a “free spirit”? Who are your role models for freedom, and why?

There is nothing wrong with America that faith, love of freedom, intelligence,
and energy of her citizens cannot cure.

Dwight D Eisenhower

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Top 10: Ways To Become An Evolved Man

via AskMen.com

If you want to become the kind of guy who attracts women automatically — and always has women in his life — it’s important that you become an “evolved man.” You need to operate on a higher level than the average Joe. When you do, you’ll stand out from other guys, attract the women you want and get a hell of a lot more out of life in the process. Here are 10 tips to help you evolve and grow as a man — starting today.

No.10 – Teach others what you learn

If you learn something great, the first order of business is to go teach it to as many people as you can. There’s something about teaching that makes the learning stick. If someone teaches you something and then you go teach it to someone else, it gets internalized deep within you. You’ll “get it” much faster. Teach others every great thing you learn — immediately. Then, when you need it in the future, it will pop up for you automatically. Women will notice, believe me.

No.9 – Enjoy the process of learning

I think it’s a tragedy that school is so boring. We have so much pain attached to the learning process that as soon as we get out of school we never want to learn anything again. However, if you learn how to love the process of learning even more than what you’re learning, you’ll spend the rest of your life learning new things and growing as a man. Continually look for new things to learn; heck, in the process you’ll meet women who love learning too.

No.8 – Accept anxiety

Anxiety happens whenever we’re taking on something new and we need to become a beginner again. Most guys won’t try new things because they’re afraid of looking like a dumbass. Because they’re afraid of getting embarrassed, they trap themselves at their current level of development. But when you’re willing to try new things — and even look silly for a while — you’ll be able to see things with new eyes, and it’ll bring tremendous benefit to your life. Accept anxiety as a good thing:  It means you’re learning something new.

No.7 – Focus on your inner game

Because we are so instant gratification-minded, we think techniques with women are where it’s at. But the truth is this:  When you work on your inner game and learn about the deeper principles that are at work, you’ll pick up the techniques along the way. If you learn from someone who just knows the tricks, when you get into real-world situations you won’t know when or how to use them when the situation changes slightly. However, if you hang out with more evolved masters who teach you the principles, it may take a bit longer, but you’ll see how the techniques fit into the bigger picture. You’ll be much better at executing the technique — and you’ll be much more successful. Don’t get seduced by techniques. Get deep.

No.6 – Travel

If you’re not regularly getting outside of that little bubble you live in, you’re limiting yourself and your perspective. When you expose yourself to new places, people and ideas, it’ll expand your mind and your view on things. I personally believe if everyone in the world could travel twice a year to far away countries, sit down with the people there and share a few meals, it would do a world of good. The more you travel and expand your mind, the more interesting a person you become, the more stories you have and the more attractive you become to women.

No.5 – Know your purpose in life

The incredible number of choices we have nowadays is a blessing — but it’s also a boat anchor tied around our necks, and we’re trying to swim. Confucius said: “Man who chases two rabbits catches none.” Exactly. We have so many options that most of us are confused about what path to take. We haven’t taken the time to sit down, block out all distractions and figure out what our own life purpose is. I believe you can find your purpose in life and clarify it over time. The more you act on it, the clearer it will become — and the bigger it will become. If you don’t know what your purpose is, go lock yourself in a room with a pad of paper and a pen and don’t do anything until you figure it out. Eventually, it’ll come to you. Few guys know that this is one of the most important things you can do to become incredibly attractive to women.

No.4 – Surround yourself with successful models

If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful models. One of the miracles of technology is that we can buy an audio or video recording, put on headphones and hear (or watch) the teachings of experts around the world, both living and dead. Compare this to plopping down on the couch, watching the news and complaining to your buddies about how screwed up the world is. Take 30 minutes a day to listen or watch a master of success, like Brian Tracy or Napoleon Hill, and your life will be transformed in a year. Try it.

No.3 – Stop giving approval to get it

Almost all of us guys do this one. If we find a woman we really like, we think if we let her do whatever she wants and get away with anything, she’ll love us and stay with us. In other words, we give approval in order to get it. There’s just one problem: It’s manipulative and will almost always backfire. If you’re not successful with women, you’re probably doing a lot of manipulative things you’re not aware of. Just because you’re sweet and nice doesn’t obligate her to be sweet and nice back. Dating doesn’t work that way.

No.2 – Stop seeking approval

People who seek approval are constantly doing things so that other people will accept them. They’re looking for cues to see if people approve of them, and they continually change their behavior to what they think other people will like. They end up wearing out their welcome and being needy — which absolutely kills attraction. Most guys do this without even  knowing it. Looking for the approval of women is like a drug: The more you get, the more you want, the worse it gets — and the less attractive you become. When you catch yourself seeking approval, shift gears and do something else. Women will love you for it.

No.1 – Stop apologizing

Most guys who face challenges with women and dating feel they need to apologize for everything they do that other people don’t like. Too many guys do this simply to get a woman’s approval, thinking if they make themselves weak and apologetic that somehow women will actually like it. Are you kidding? However, if you make it a rule to simply stop apologizing for everything, over time you’ll build a stronger self-image, take more responsibility in your life and let other people have their judgments without it affecting you. You’ll then be able to see when it’s truly appropriate to apologize. You’ll enjoy a nice boost to your personal power  and your ability to attract quality women.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why You Need To Get Rid Of Bad Company

By Nate Steere  AskMen.com

If you’re trying to get ahead and improve yourself, you’ve taken steps to set yourself up for success. You’ve gotten in shape (mentally and physically), you’re working hard on yourself, and you’re reading books and articles with information you need. If you’re trying to make improvements, great work — most people try to get ahead by blaming their problems on their environment, and don’t take any of the blame for why they’re stuck in a rut.

However, there are ways your environment can drag you down — look at the people around you. If the people you’re friends with, or associate with at work, are a negative influence, guess what? You’re being influenced, whether you’re aware of it or not. Now, any of your friends can have a bad patch, and being there to pick them up when they’re down is part of friendship. But we’re talking about that other friend — the one whose idea of fun is always getting wasted, who can never chip in on the bill and always has a crisis they need help cleaning up. You ignore their calls, and the one time you do pick up feels like one too many. If you’re like most guys, you don’t seek out the company of these people, but when they initiate a meet-up, you tend to accommodate. It’s easy to say and hard to do, but here are four compelling reasons you need to cut ties.

They are shaping your attitude

Jim Rohn is a self-help author who famously said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Your attitude, the way you look at the world, is influenced by who you spend time with. Think about it: Your worldview is shaped by the things you see and experience in the world. The way you invest your time in people and activities shapes the man you become. That’s why it’s so important for guys to travel, to see new things and expand their horizons. On the flip side, if you spend your time in a smoky bar, listening to somebody complain about how their job sucks, their boss sucks, their love life sucks, and there’s never enough money, it’s going to rub off on you. Do you leave these sessions feeling charged and ready to take on the world? No, they juice you up with negative energy and teach you to look at your life like a victim. That’s just a bad attitude — we’ve all had friends who get into too many fights, trouble with the law, drugs, and worse. You grow to fit your environment, so make sure your environment breeds excellence and positivity.

They are derailing you from your goals

Have you ever been driving home from work, with the plan to cook dinner, clean up around the house, throw in a load of laundry, exercise, save a cat that’s stuck in a tree, solve the Middle Eastern situation, read for a while, then work a little more on your plan to go into business for yourself? Then your phone rings with your buddies telling you to meet them at the bar. You tell yourself “I’ll do all that stuff tomorrow…,” and the next thing you recall is your alarm waking you up in the morning. Listen, plans change, and one of the best parts of being an adult is that you get to make responsible decisions about your life. You can eat pretty much whatever you want to for dinner. Feel like grabbing a DVD tonight? Go for it. And if the offer to do something fun comes along, by all means, rearrange your schedule and have a good time.

Here’s the hitch. When people constantly pull you away from those other areas of your life, it can cause you to become unbalanced. If you’re not achieving your personal goals, you need to balance it out — and your friends should be supportive of that. If taking a pass for the night causes them to tease you, or worse, make fun of your other goals, take a look at that. Granted, good friends bust balls left and right, but they truly want to see you succeed. Toxic friends, on the other hand, are afraid of seeing you succeed, as a reminder how they’re not succeeding in their own lives. If your friends aren’t respectful of your dreams and ambitions, they won’t respect the time you devote to those pursuits, and they’ll try and get you to come to the bar instead.

They’re costing you money

Have another look at the Jim Rohn quote in the first tip. This is outstanding advice in all aspects of friendship, but it’s especially true when it comes to the area of personal finance. Another speaker, Randy Gage, adapted this quote to read, “You earn the average of the salaries of the five people you spend the most time with.” More excellent advice! You’re reading this article, so you’re the kind of person who recognizes wisdom when he sees it. Then again, go ahead and prove Gage right: Grab a piece of paper, list the names of the five people you spend the most time with (a total of five from your work and personal life, typically), write down their approximate salaries (it’s always less than they lead you to believe), add ’em up, and divide by five. This will probably be very close to what you earn. So, what’s the lesson? If you want more money, hang out with rich people? Not at all. Success in business is related to drive, hard work, persistence, and a hundred other qualities. High earners bring value to their companies and are rewarded for it. Their outer reality reflects their inner reality. Thus, hang out around people who give value to their companies. They’re much more likely to give value to their friends as well.

You’re hurting them

OK, so if none of the above arguments have influenced you at all, what about this one? By being accepting of the company of toxic people, you’re not just hurting yourself, you’re hurting them. Ouch! But it’s true; by being available to hang out and hear all of your friends’ problems, you are allowing them to continue in their negativity. If they have a sympathetic ear and a cold beer on hand to deal with their sorrow, they’re going to continue using negativity as a path through life. Problems are meant to challenge us, to make us grow by rising to the occasion. It’s not always easy, but the true path around a problem is through it: stepping up, manning up and solving what needs to be solved. By always being sympathetic when your friends complain, you’re allowing them to be beat by the problems in their lives. That’s right: Now you’re the one being a bad friend.

Being a good man

Hopefully, these points have convinced you to stop spending time and energy on the toxic people in your life. But, also don’t get confused about the point here. Everyone has ups and downs, and the time will come where your true friends need somebody to listen, a shoulder to cry on or even some real help. None of that makes your friend a negative person. You can tell the difference between somebody having a bad day, bad month or even a bad year, versus a person who is in the dumps because they are choosing to be. So don’t abandon your friends — friendship is one of the very best parts of life. And don’t tolerate the people who use you as a crutch — you’ll end up smelling like an armpit. 

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pretty Is as Pretty Does

By Miranda Hitti
WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

To be more physically attractive to the opposite sex, you may want to give your personality a makeover.

A new study states that “personality goes a long way toward determining your attractiveness; it can even change people’s impressions of how good looking you are.”

The study included 78 college students at a northeastern U.S. university.

First, they watched a computer screen display 36 facial photos of members of the opposite sex.

The students rated the physical attractiveness of the people in the photos on a scale of 1 (extremely unattractive) to 10 (extremely attractive).

Next, the students were asked to count down from a large number by sevens and then up by 13s.

That task was all about distracting them before they saw the photos again. As the photos reappeared, the students heard about each person’s personality.

Some were described as being honest, humorous, mature, intelligent, polite, and helpful. Others were called abusive, offensive, unstable, cruel, unfair, and rude.

Lastly, the students repeated their physical attractiveness ratings and noted whether they wanted to befriend or date the people in the photos.

Personality rocked the results.

People who looked good lost ground if they had nasty personalities. And those in the middle of the pack or further down on the looks scale benefited from an admirable personality.

Likewise, people weren’t keen to date or befriend the beautiful but cruel. Instead, they’d rather spend time with someone with a better personality.

The results were a bit stronger for women. But “personality was of great importance to both genders,” write the researchers.

They included Gary Lewandowski Jr., PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey.

Single students and students in romantic relationships both connected physical attractiveness and personality.

The bottom line: “While it may still be important to be physically attractive, it is also important to convey a desirable personality,” write the researchers.

They add that “these findings are particularly encouraging as cosmetic surgery becomes increasingly common.”

Their study appears in the scholarly journal Personal Relationships.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Confessions: Addicted to Internet Dating

WebMD Commentary from “Marie Claire” Magazine

By Christopher Farah

I waited until she closed the bathroom door.

Click. That meant two full minutes until she came out — two full minutes for me to grab my computer, check my online dating profile, and — inevitably, guiltily — slam my laptop shut just as she snuggled up next to me on the sofa.

What was I doing? Just days earlier I had been ready, even eager, to take my profile down for good. After almost a year of searching and scouring every Website in Los Angeles for the perfect match, I had — I thought — finally found her: the One for Me. OFM had it all: intelligence with a streak of creativity, the ability not just to hear but to listen, a searing sense of humor with a tang of sarcasm, and a really great rack. We started seeing each other regularly — quickly moving from making out in my car to doing much more in my bedroom — and talked on the phone every day. Everything was perfect.

Except for this: I still checked my profile once, twice, three times a day. Even when she spent the night. I was an addict, and my drug was online dating.

At first I tried to rationalize my behavior. What’s the harm in doing a little casual “people watching,” right? Like being at a café or a park. And who doesn’t wonder every now and then if maybe they could do a little better than their current mate?

But this was different. On the Internet, I had an actual catalog of available women, listed with their quirks, characteristics, and measurements. Finding someone better was no longer innocent curiosity; it was easy — and it became an obsession. Yes, OFM listened, but what if someone else listened better? True, OFM was smart, but couldn’t I find someone smarter? And fine, OFM had a really, really great rack, but don’t flat-chested women also have a lot to offer?

Soon, looking became winking, winking became hot-listing, hot-listing became e-mailing, and e-mailing became seeing other people. I never found out if OFM knew. Unlike me, she stopped checking her profile soon after we met. There was no official breakup; I just didn’t return calls as quickly, started canceling dates with her so I could try out new potential matches, and eventually we drifted apart. With so many new “opportunities” out there — with the illusion that a life-changing upgrade was just a click away — I couldn’t maintain my focus on our relationship.

That was a year ago. I’ve dated many women since. None of them has quite lived up to OFM…but there’s someone better out there, right? I’m sure of it.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Set The Scene For Unforgettable Sex

via AskMen.com

In a relationship, it’s sometimes easy to put sex in the proverbial backseat of your life; especially when work, bills, eating, sleeping, and all that other unsexy stuff comes into play.

So, today’s tip is for those guys who want to reignite the passion — or for the guys who simply want that look of amazement from their women after a night of bang-on sex.

Here’s how you can set the scene for unforgettable sex.

Rent a room
The great thing about renting a hotel room is that you don’t have to worry about destroying the sheets with chocolate syrup, nor will you care if you yell and scream, because you’ll likely never see your “neighbors” again.

Of course, you don’t have to rent a room if you think it’s too expensive. You can always pimp your own room instead.

Either way, you have to set the room up for sex. Get the proper lighting (candles or red lights), proper music (something ambient), sexual props (blindfolds, tethers, etc.), and other add-ons.

Send her an invite & an outfit
Send her a written invitation, along with a box that contains one hell of an outfit for her to wear (think of your most favorite fantasy vixen and go with that). Something short and black usually works well if characters aren’t your thing. Lace and satin look great on any skin tone and will make her feel super sexy.

Get the right food
To enhance the mood, make sure the room is stocked with the necessities. Buy chilled champagne (or other liquor) and strawberries (or other fruit — already sliced), chocolate, water, and so on, so that you’re both comfortable.

Don’t head straight to the main event when you set the scene for unforgettable sex.

Take her out first
Don’t head straight to the room when you meet up. You need a buildup, something that’ll make her want to take you somewhere private. If she’s adventurous and open-minded, take her to a strip club and get her a lap dance.

If that’s not her thing, then opt to take her dancing. If you hate dancing, then encourage her to dance for you while you stand at the bar and watch. Don’t get hammered and don’t get her hammered, otherwise the evening will be a total waste and, instead of sex, it’ll involve a toilet bowl and a very foul stench.

The idea is to get yourselves revved up for what’s in store once you’re alone and naked.

Pack her overnight bag
This applies only if you’ve opted to rent a room or don’t live together. Head to the pharmacy and invest in some toothpaste, toothbrushes, hair products, and anything else you think she’ll need for the morning after.

Break the sexual monotony
If your girl is used to having sex in a certain fashion, shake things up a bit by doing things differently tonight. If you usually take on a missionary stance, then try doggy style. If foreplay usually involves nothing more than kissing, this time bring your penis up to her mouth and let her kiss it instead.

Go down on her and while you’re licking her clitoris, put your fingers inside her and search for that G-spot. And dude, take your time: you’ve got all night.

Kiss her, touch her in places she’s not used to being touched, and let her appreciate your body as well. Play games, move to other parts of the room (or house) and introduce a whole new you to your girl.

keep it interesting

You don’t really have to spend money to ensure great sex, but every once in a while, if you make her feel like gold, she’ll want to show you how much she wants you — in a physical way. And nothing makes a woman hornier than knowing you think she’s incredibly sexy. 

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Last Resort Booty Calls

via muffslap.com

Every NFL quarterback has a progression of check down options when his primary receiver isn’t available. He looks for his first option, second, and so on. Just like a quarterback, guys have a progression list for their late night booty call. When a guy strikes out at the bar, and doesn’t want to wake up alone, he turns to his options. The average guy has about 10, but if you’re Christian Troy from Niptuck, your options can be upward of 20. Text with caution.

Option 1. The Current Booty Call

This woman is always your first option and knows the routine. Hopefully she’s awake, available, and in the mood.

Option 2. The New Girl

Send a quick text to see if she’s still awake and possibly drunk enough to make a bad decision. If you really like this girl, and want the relationship to be more than a booty call, don’t text her when you’re hammered.

Option 3. The Old Booty Call

She hasn’t been around much, but there’s be no harm in sending a text and seeing if she would still be game.

Option 4. The Ex

Always a dangerous but quick “what are you up to” text. You’ll end up at her house with a nice wrestle session under the sheets. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pay for in the morning with pointless relationship talk.

Option 5. The Attractive Neighbor

This girls in in walking distance, but you haven’t hooked up with her, yet. If you think she’s around, send a flirty text asking if she wants to “watch a movie,” we all know what this is code for.

Option 6. The Recently Single Old Ex

This ex has been out of the text rotation for quite some time, but sending a quick “how you been” could never hurt. She’s recently single, extremely vulnerable, and easily to take advantage of since you already have the established rapport. Be her shoulder to cry on for an hour, and reap the benefits.

Option 7. The Out of Town Girl

You only see this girl when she’s in town to see friends, family, or business. Send a quick text to see when she’ll be in town next, and setup a friendly booty call.

Option 8. The Freak

She’s not the most attractive girl, but definitely makes up for it in the bedroom. With enough cocktails and no response from your other options, she’ll do for the night. We refer to this girl to as the 2-6er, you only see her between 2am and 6am.

Option 9. The Friend

You always have that attractive friend, who never has a boyfriend, but you have never hooked up with. If you’re desperate, why not send a text and see what happens. If she’s a real friend, she’ll forgive you the next day.

Option 10. The Mass Text

You send the general “Hey what are you up?” mass text to a dozen or so girls in your phone hoping to get a response and go from there.

If the progression list runs its course with no response, then it looks like you are waking up alone.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Real Aphrodisiacs to Boost Desire

By Helen Fisher, PhD    Oprah.com

Forget oysters and chocolate. The most powerful aphrodisiacs are already inside our bodies.

Mankind has searched for aphrodisiacs for centuries. The ancient Romans slurped down oysters, the Chinese swore by shark fin soup, and the Arabs were keen on camel’s hump. But the most powerful aphrodisiacs are already inside our bodies. Humans have evolved three different brain systems to encourage mating: sex drive (lust), feelings of attachment (trust), and romance (being in love). Each of these systems plays a role in desire, and scientists are now beginning to pinpoint the bodily chemicals that trigger each.

Lust: Sex drive is associated with a class of hormones called androgens, particularly testosterone (yes, women produce it, too). Today women with low libido can get a prescription for testosterone, even though it’s FDA approved only for use in men. But women can also increase their levels without medication. Playing competitive sports has been shown to trigger testosterone production; in fact, women get a bigger boost than men prior to a competition. Making love can also create the same effect. Studies have suggested that sex raises testosterone levels, so the more sex you have, the more sex you desire.

Trust: Feelings of trust and attachment are fostered by the chemical oxytocin. In a study conducted at the University of Zurich, couples who used a nasal spray containing oxytocin before discussing an ongoing marital conflict were more likely to engage in friendly, positive communication than those who didn’t take a whiff. You can stimulate oxytocin naturally with touch. Hold hands while you watch TV, trade massages, or sleep in each other’s arms.

Love: The third chemical that drives relationships is dopamine, a key player in the brain’s pleasure center that’s been found to promote romantic love. Research shows that novelty—taking risks or trying something new—can trigger the release of dopamine in the brain. I’m not just talking about novelty in the bedroom (although that would be a good start). You can get the same effect from sampling a new type of cuisine together or riding the roller coaster at an amusement park.

The afterglow: Scientists may be figuring out how brain chemistry influences emotion, but don’t expect to see a real love potion anytime soon. That’s because you and I are more than just chemicals. We’re thinking beings with a host of experiences, values, ideas, and memories—all of which share the stage with the chemical systems for lust, attachment, and romance. No product will ever trick you into loving someone you really don’t like. But if you’ve already found the right person and want to give your relationship a kick, before you brew up a batch of camel’s hump soup, you might give my less-exotic aphrodisiacs a try.

December 30, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment