The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

Alicia Keys Booty Call

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Celebs, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Women as explained by Engineers‏

This post is to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s Changed This Decade (1999-2009)

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dining/Living, Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Who Will Die in 2010?

A lot of celebrities died in 2009, and many of them, like Brittany Murphy, were highly unpredictable. That’s why we’ve decided to take some initiative and make some celebrity death predictions for 2010.

Dick Clark used to be called The Boy Who Couldn’t Age.  Then he aged all at once really quickly.  Clark suffered from a stroke in 2004, and since then he’s been on the way out.  He’s still been co-hosting the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” television special every year, but you can see that he’s slipping.  Last year, he wished the entire country a “Happeneryer” at midnight.  When your job is saying “Happy New Year” and you can’t do that anymore, that means it’s time to go.
 
Predicted Cause of Death: Dick loses control of his electric wheelchair, plows into the new years ball, and blacks out Times Square on live TV. That night, he dies peacefully in his sleep.
Larry King has been hosting Larry King Live for 25 years. He was really old when it started, and now he’s 25 years older really old.  he’s a f*cking dinosaur.  It looks like Larry drank from the wrong cup at the end of The Last Crusade, but then he stopped the rapid aging process in the middle, so he looks like he’s 300 years old, but he can still get around okay.  Unfortunately, you can only look 300 for so long.
 
Predicted Cause of Death: Larry will bump into a person on the street, causing his amulet necklace to slip free, fall to the ground and shatter, after which Larry will disintegrate into dust. It will later be determined that Larry’s ancient egyptian amulet held a curse that was the only thing keeping his mummified body alive.
 
This is an easy one.  People are amazed that she’s survived this long.  People actually congratulate Amy when they see that she’s still alive.  She parties hard, she’s not gonna slow down until she’s long gone, and nobody will be at all surprised when she dies.
 
Predicted Cause of Death: She’ll suffocate in a locked dumpster that she crawled into to smoke some crack.
The Bandit is not doing too well lately. His health is starting to fail, and he recently went to rehab for an addiction to prescription painkillers.  Burt entered rehab after his housekeeper found him lying unconscious in a pool of blood.  Apparently he’d been badly cut and was bleeding out.  It seems like Burt doesn’t like getting old, and once you get to that point, it’s only a matter of time.
 
Predicted Cause of Death: Burt will suffocate on his own mustache.
Lindsay Lohan is young, hot, rich, and crazy.  That’s a bad combo.  She’s fallen apart over the past couple of years, and it looks like she’ll be staying the course in 2010.  She’s completely self-destructive, and now she’s desperate to revitalize her career.  She probably has some kind of an ace up her sleeve, but if that doesn’t do the trick, then she’s definitely on suicide watch.
 
Predicted Cause of Death: Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of booze and coke.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Art/Culture, Celebs, Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Not Going To Be OK

By Jon Skindzier  AskMen.com

If you’re one of those guys still lounging around and waiting for life to happen, consider this: By 35, many of the world’s great men weren’t just working on groundbreaking masterpieces, they’d finished them. Christopher Marlowe had inspired Shakespeare, and died, by the time he was 29; F. Scott Fitzgerald had written The Great Gatsby by 29; and Orson Welles wrote, directed and starred in what’s often considered the greatest film ever made at the doe-eyed age of 25.

In Welles’ day, most of us would have been married with kids by our mid-20s. Popular culture wants to convince us that we can remain young indefinitely (usually through buying things), but 30 is not the new 20 — 30 is 30. If you aren’t well on your way to what you really want to do with your life, you need to start yesterday. It’s not going to be OK unless you get off your ass and start doing something — now.

You are not going to stumble into your dream job

Your current job — what you’re doing right now — is your career and your identity. Does that thought satisfy you? If you took your current title and slapped it on a business card, would you be happy handing that thing out to hot girls, aware that they’d think that’s what you are as a person?

Careers take work. Dreams take even more. Malcolm Gladwell (a Canadian journalist) suggests that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master something, and that “genius” is as much effort as it is talent. Mozart wasn’t some god-child; he was just a kid who practiced his ass off until music was his language. The same thing applies to your future — you can’t expect to succeed if you’re just yawning your way through life with vague, distant dreams. It’s not going to be OK if that’s your approach.

Make it OK: Get to work at maximizing each day and becoming the dude you envision yourself to be now. You’re never going to get to where you want to be if you’re treating your goals like a halfhearted hobby.

Your dream girl will not just roll up and find you

Romantic comedies hinge on two people just wandering into a meaningful relationship. Sitcoms tell us we’ll be right down the hall from gorgeous chicks who will love us for our quirkiness.

These are fiction. These situations do not just happen, and it’s not going to be OK if you think they do. Most guys do get married, but a lot of them wind up on the business end of a shotgun wedding because somebody got pregnant. If you’re leaving your love life up to chance, hoping for destiny to settle things, you’re delusional. You can either put real effort into meeting someone you’ll be thrilled with, or you can flounder between crappy relationships until you’re suddenly the only unmarried guy you know.

Make it OK: Meet people, preferably by going someplace where women are, someplace you actually enjoy. Don’t go to yoga for the chicks if you hate yoga — start with being genuine and confident, and work from there.

We have a few more signs it’s not going to be OK and how you can make it OK by doing something about it

You’re not going to get rich overnight

Outside of winning the lottery (odds: slightly less than being hit by lightning) or just being rich to begin with, wealthy guys have money because they invested or saved. Wealth won’t just fall into your lap, and you won’t just automatically make more money in the future as a matter of course.

According to the 2009 Great Male Survey, 78% of you would only really feel comfortable retiring on a $1 million nest egg. The most important thing is that you don’t see the word “retiring” and assume we’re talking to some old guy — this is what you should be doing.

Make it OK: If you save $4,000 a year at 7%, you’ll wind up with more than twice as much cash at retirement age if you start by 30 instead of 40. So start. Set up an automatic savings plan. Seek out, and care about, financial advice.

Your health doesn’t come with a guarantee

Your body and your brain pretty much quit improving somewhere around age 20. Every year after that, it gets harder to even stay the same, much less to make radical, positive changes. And it’s only going to get harder tomorrow for you to run a mile or bike up a hill than it already is today. Work on the stuff you actually can fix, before you’re saddled with the inevitable stuff (i.e., thinning hair and a slowing metabolism).

Make it OK: Find a gym, or get back to one. Go to your doctor, and your dentist. Quit drinking like you’re 21. Your body remembers your excesses, and will punish you for them.

Don’t leave life to chance

If you think about midlife crises at all, you probably picture some trivial old-guy desperation that happens to other people. But not seeing them coming is what causes them — they’re the sudden realization that youth is irretrievably gone, and you’re more prone to that dawning shock if you’re idling through life and trusting your future to chance. 

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Want To Be An Avatar

The movie Avatar is a pretty bad ass movie. But as always with semi science-fiction movies there´re people who take it a little bit to seriously. Take this girl, she wants to pay her respect to the people of Pandora, so she paints herself blue. But then again who am I to judge? See for yourself. 

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Hypnotist vs Police Officer

This guy is trying to get a cop chasing him by burning headlights and doubling the speed limit. When the cop pulls him over, he uses several techniques that hypnotists have been using for decades. He’s able to bring so much confusion to the cop so that he can actually turn the tables, ask the cop for some directions and drive away.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Last Resort Booty Calls

via muffslap.com

Every NFL quarterback has a progression of check down options when his primary receiver isn’t available. He looks for his first option, second, and so on. Just like a quarterback, guys have a progression list for their late night booty call. When a guy strikes out at the bar, and doesn’t want to wake up alone, he turns to his options. The average guy has about 10, but if you’re Christian Troy from Niptuck, your options can be upward of 20. Text with caution.

Option 1. The Current Booty Call

This woman is always your first option and knows the routine. Hopefully she’s awake, available, and in the mood.

Option 2. The New Girl

Send a quick text to see if she’s still awake and possibly drunk enough to make a bad decision. If you really like this girl, and want the relationship to be more than a booty call, don’t text her when you’re hammered.

Option 3. The Old Booty Call

She hasn’t been around much, but there’s be no harm in sending a text and seeing if she would still be game.

Option 4. The Ex

Always a dangerous but quick “what are you up to” text. You’ll end up at her house with a nice wrestle session under the sheets. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pay for in the morning with pointless relationship talk.

Option 5. The Attractive Neighbor

This girls in in walking distance, but you haven’t hooked up with her, yet. If you think she’s around, send a flirty text asking if she wants to “watch a movie,” we all know what this is code for.

Option 6. The Recently Single Old Ex

This ex has been out of the text rotation for quite some time, but sending a quick “how you been” could never hurt. She’s recently single, extremely vulnerable, and easily to take advantage of since you already have the established rapport. Be her shoulder to cry on for an hour, and reap the benefits.

Option 7. The Out of Town Girl

You only see this girl when she’s in town to see friends, family, or business. Send a quick text to see when she’ll be in town next, and setup a friendly booty call.

Option 8. The Freak

She’s not the most attractive girl, but definitely makes up for it in the bedroom. With enough cocktails and no response from your other options, she’ll do for the night. We refer to this girl to as the 2-6er, you only see her between 2am and 6am.

Option 9. The Friend

You always have that attractive friend, who never has a boyfriend, but you have never hooked up with. If you’re desperate, why not send a text and see what happens. If she’s a real friend, she’ll forgive you the next day.

Option 10. The Mass Text

You send the general “Hey what are you up?” mass text to a dozen or so girls in your phone hoping to get a response and go from there.

If the progression list runs its course with no response, then it looks like you are waking up alone.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bikini Skiing and Snowboarding

With the skiing and snowboarding season underway in most parts of the country, we thought it would be a great time to take a deeper look at the timeless art of bikini skiing and snowboarding. Though often a rare site on the mountain, especially on the east coast, these ski bunnies can be found in select mountain towns throughout the western part of the United States. So, if you haven’t made it out to your local mountain yet, here is some easy motivation.

*****************************Continue Viewing All The Photos…***************************************************

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Art/Culture, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Big Pussy

A neurotic nice-guy struggles to find the confidence to tell the girl he loves that her vagina smells

December 26, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Most Daring – Mano a Emu

This is one mad Emu…

December 22, 2009 Posted by | Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How To Tell If You’re Boring

justaguything.com

It’s amazing how many people have no idea how utterly boring they are. Don’t be one of these people. If you’re boring, at least realize it and try to do something about it.

But how, you ask? The folks at Psychology Today have a helpful checklist to know if you are being boring in a social situation. You can go and read the full article, but here are a few tips to help you out:

“Oh really?” The dreaded “oh really”! If the person you are taking to keeps saying this over and over, it means you are boring.

Not being interrupted. If you are droning on and on and no one else is attempting to interrupt, it means you are boring. Interruption actually signals interest in the conversation, so no interruptions means someone is being bored out of their mind.

Look out for body position. If someone is interested in what you are saying, they will usually turn to face you. Conversely, if the person you are talking to is partially turned away, chances are they are not engaged in what you are saying.

Are you bored? Chances are if you’re bored with someone’s conversation, they are bored with yours as well. Time to find someone else to talk to.

December 17, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Win a Coin Toss — Scientifically or by Straight-Up Cheating

by Emerald Catron

A recent study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal has proven what we’ve suspected for years — you can win a coin toss with a little bit of luck … or a whole lot of cheating.

Previous research has shown that a tossed coin has a 51 percent chance of landing the same way it was facing before being tossed, but with practice, you can get a feel for how to toss a coin and improve your chances of calling it right.

One participant in the study managed to force a “heads” landing 68 percent of the time. Useful knowledge if you want to cheat without feeling like a cheater.

For the rest of us low-down, dirty dogs, there is a much easier (and more effective) manner to win a coin toss. Toss the coin, but don’t call it until you catch it. Using your thumb in a subtle, magician-like way, feel the coin — the head side of a coin is much smoother than the tail side, so you know which side you’re about to show.

And there you have it — a perfect method to ensure you never have to watch another movie with Sarah Jessica Parker at the theater ever again.

If, however, you are looking for a fair toss, use a truly random online generator like Coin Flipper.

December 14, 2009 Posted by | Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Rise Of The Hot Jewish Girl

By Christopher Noxon

Cheerleaders. Five-inch heels. Big, natural boobs. Those are merely the most obvious sexual fixations most men have, but there’s another undeniable one: ladies of the tribe. It seems that America can’t get enough smoking-hot Semitic tush lately.  In a recent poll on the porn blog Fleshbot, “Jewish girls” ranked second among kinks (the winner: “freckles”). Jewesses aren’t just the rage in the triple-X realm, either: They’re seducing goyim on Mad Men and Glee and giving movie geeks conniptions over reports of JILF-on-JILF action between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in Darren Aronofsky’s upcoming Black Swan.

That Jewish women have become the ethnic fetish du jour is all the more remarkable given that Jews represent a truly tiny minority (2.2 percent) of the U.S. population. In recent years, God’s chosen menfolk have been objects of affection, too, though they draw their appeal from cuddly schlubbiness, not sexual energy—consider Judd Apatow’s all-Jewish Frat Pack (Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, et al.). But unlike their funnyman brothers, Jewish girls have had to overcome the old stinging JAP stereotype of frigidity, whininess, and big hair. 

Recently, however, the Fran Drescher rep has given way to a more smoldering image. Think cultural mutts like Rachel Weisz, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Rachel Bilson—women who have little in common beyond sultriness and Star of David necklaces.  And though most guys don’t think religious observance adds to the allure, some of the dirtiest-minded do. How else to account for the popularity of “Frum porn,” raunchy photos of religious Jews getting busy? Hard-core pics of girls in sheitels giving blow jobs have earned a devoted following far outside the faith—from men who probably aren’t exactly sure what a sheitel is (for the record: it’s a wig worn to show one’s modesty). “It’s like the Catholic-schoolgirl fetish—we all want to defile that purity,” says Jewish porn star James Deen, who does so frequently.

Jews are, of course, no strangers to porn—the Hebrew hall of fame includes venerable names like Ron Jeremy, Nina Hartley, and Seymore Butts. Only recently, however, have performers begun to actively embrace their roots. “I never thought my Jewishness would be an asset,” says hard-core superstar Joanna Angel, who grew up in an Orthodox family and has gone on to star in films like Cum on My Tattoo and Porny Monster. She still fasts on Yom Kippur, avoids bacon, and checks in with her mother more than is strictly necessary. She often finds herself mothering the entire crew on the porn set, traipsing around in stiletto heels and crotchless underwear and asking if everyone has had enough to eat.  Continue reading…

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How To: Score at the Office Christmas Party

Company Christmas parties are about sharing a love for Christ with your co-workers, as well as finding someone to rub genitals with.

Step #1: Do Your Homework 

The odds are pretty good that there are going to be more than a few women at the office Christmas party, and they can’t all be viable options for you.  You’ll have to know which chicks to watch and which ones to forget about, so it’s important to be prepared.  Pay close attention on casual Fridays.  Watch for things like tramp stamps, exposed underwear straps, and big slutty heels.  Those things say “I have in the past, or still do, enjoy casual intercourse with partners I wish to never speak to again.”   

******Continue reading how to score…*******

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Dining/Living, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Taylor Lautner vs. Kanye West

Twilight” actor Taylor Lautner re-imagined the 2009 VMAs for his SNL monologue, complete with a backflip, fight moves and more.

Lautner, who is supposedly dating Taylor Swift in real life, made fun of himself for standing on stage doing nothing while Kanye West interrupted Swift’s speech during the actual VMAs, and he then defended her honor by fighting a mannequin of Kanye.

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Celebs, Dating/Sex, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Extremely Lazy People

There are a lot of lazy people, but here are some of the laziest.

                      

Continue viewing all the lazy things people do….

December 11, 2009 Posted by | Humor | , , , , | Leave a comment

Being A Gentleman

I think I will forward this to all my Neanderthal friends…

December 7, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Dining/Living, Humor | Leave a comment

Choking Friend

What not to do when your friend is choking.

December 7, 2009 Posted by | Dining/Living, Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Condom Santa Claus at Cabbages and Condoms

Cabbages and Condoms, a Thai restaurant that promotes safe sex as well as good food decided to celebrate Christmas by displaying a life-size Santa Claus made of condoms. Cabbages and Condoms is the only restaurant in the world where you get a free vasectomy, at the clinic next door, with every ordered meal. One of the most original eating establishments on Earth, is one of the most popular attractions in Bangkok, Thailand.

For the past two years, the guys at the Cabbages and Condoms restaurant have been greeting the holiday season by building a Condom Santa Claus. I have been able to dig up much info on this latex covered mannequin, but I’m willing to bet it took hundreds, maybe thousands of condoms to make. Here are a few photos of the 2009 Condom Santa:

View all the pictures…

December 6, 2009 Posted by | Art/Culture, Dining/Living, Humor | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment