The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

Last Resort Booty Calls


Every NFL quarterback has a progression of check down options when his primary receiver isn’t available. He looks for his first option, second, and so on. Just like a quarterback, guys have a progression list for their late night booty call. When a guy strikes out at the bar, and doesn’t want to wake up alone, he turns to his options. The average guy has about 10, but if you’re Christian Troy from Niptuck, your options can be upward of 20. Text with caution.

Option 1. The Current Booty Call

This woman is always your first option and knows the routine. Hopefully she’s awake, available, and in the mood.

Option 2. The New Girl

Send a quick text to see if she’s still awake and possibly drunk enough to make a bad decision. If you really like this girl, and want the relationship to be more than a booty call, don’t text her when you’re hammered.

Option 3. The Old Booty Call

She hasn’t been around much, but there’s be no harm in sending a text and seeing if she would still be game.

Option 4. The Ex

Always a dangerous but quick “what are you up to” text. You’ll end up at her house with a nice wrestle session under the sheets. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pay for in the morning with pointless relationship talk.

Option 5. The Attractive Neighbor

This girls in in walking distance, but you haven’t hooked up with her, yet. If you think she’s around, send a flirty text asking if she wants to “watch a movie,” we all know what this is code for.

Option 6. The Recently Single Old Ex

This ex has been out of the text rotation for quite some time, but sending a quick “how you been” could never hurt. She’s recently single, extremely vulnerable, and easily to take advantage of since you already have the established rapport. Be her shoulder to cry on for an hour, and reap the benefits.

Option 7. The Out of Town Girl

You only see this girl when she’s in town to see friends, family, or business. Send a quick text to see when she’ll be in town next, and setup a friendly booty call.

Option 8. The Freak

She’s not the most attractive girl, but definitely makes up for it in the bedroom. With enough cocktails and no response from your other options, she’ll do for the night. We refer to this girl to as the 2-6er, you only see her between 2am and 6am.

Option 9. The Friend

You always have that attractive friend, who never has a boyfriend, but you have never hooked up with. If you’re desperate, why not send a text and see what happens. If she’s a real friend, she’ll forgive you the next day.

Option 10. The Mass Text

You send the general “Hey what are you up?” mass text to a dozen or so girls in your phone hoping to get a response and go from there.

If the progression list runs its course with no response, then it looks like you are waking up alone.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment