The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

The Sweetest Kiss

By: Kristen R. Stephens  DivineCaroline.com

I still can’t decide which was better: the way he kissed me or the way he looked at me.

I’m not sure how it even started. We were just standing in the kitchen and before I knew it, my back was pressed against the countertop’s edge, his arms around me, his lips kissing mine, tentatively at first, then more passionately later, but never forceful.

His hands didn’t wander like the hands of men before him or the way the hands of men to come would. They rubbed my back, and occasionally they found their way into my hair. He was respectful and soft, yet still sexy and strong.

Every once in a while, we’d stop for a few seconds and look at each other. Not in the sickeningly-sweet-romantic way, or the I-can’t-wait-to-rip-your-clothes-off way. It was more a mixture of curiosity and surprise. I had no idea I was even attracted to you, my eyes must have said. Me either, his said back. But now we know and we’re wasting time, so let’s get back to it. But not before he smiled at me—the sexiest, sweetest, most beautiful smile that had ever been intended solely for me. I could feel my heart trying to pound out of my chest. I smiled back at him and we both laughed.

Something happened when we kissed. It sounds crazy, but we seemed to get each other without even really knowing each other. Or maybe it was just that we came together when were at exactly the same place. Looking back on it now, maybe that’s what brought us together.

It would be years later before I understood the place I was in that night. (Why does hindsight make us so smart?) My self-esteem had taken a beating in my two previous relationships and though I didn’t know it at the time, those relationships were the beginning of an abusive dating pattern that would last for years. Carrying all that history around had made me a little fragile. I didn’t trust anyone, and I wasn’t sure I would ever find anyone who could deal with all my flaws.

So when we took another kissing hiatus and he stared at me as if I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, my stomach did flips. No one had ever looked at me like that before. I didn’t get it. I didn’t even know him. But we seemed to understand each other on so many levels. I felt like maybe he had his own history and that helped him identify and understand mine. And he was okay with just kissing me. He wasn’t pushing for more; he wasn’t trying to hustle me back to his house to see how far he could get with me.

We went on like that for maybe fifteen minutes, kissing, staring, smiling, and laughing.  Then we heard footsteps coming into the kitchen and we remembered we weren’t alone. We pulled away from each other and reality came crashing back in. It was late and people were going home. We said goodbye, careful not to do anything that might give us away to the others. As he walked out the door, he turned and gave me that amazing smile again, but it was even better now because it held a secret that only the two of us knew. I waved to him and said good-bye.

I never saw him again.

But to this day, that was still the sweetest, sexiest kiss I’ve ever had. I like thinking about it every now and then and wondering where he is. It gives me a little hope of what—and who—might be out there for me.

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Alicia Keys Booty Call

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Celebs, Humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Everyone Else is Cheating—So Why Aren’t You?

Spitzer, Edwards, Sanford, Letterman. Not since Clinton rolled a Cuban in Lewinsky has our country so gorged itself on the scurrilous details of extramarital dalliances. Thousand-dollar hookers. The predilection for doing it “raw.” The secret love child. The back entrances at the Beverly Hills Hilton. Those e-mails about “magnificently gentle kisses” and “tan lines.” It’s as if some evil scientist had activated a microchip in all of us that made us behave like goats. One click, one maniacal cackle, and Gomorrah is upon us.

As a nation, we did our part in each instance by exhibiting the requisite outrage and disgust. We devoted airtime and newsprint to lengthy discussions about the libido of the powerful male, his insatiable appetite and subconscious propensity for self-destruction. We wanted answers. We wanted justice. Most of all, we wanted to believe that this was the exception and not the rule—when, in fact, everyone from the club-prowling playboy to the Similac-smeared Dad of the Year is prone to—likely even wired for—this behavior.

What none of us want to consider when we get to that “forsaking all others” clause in our marriage vows is that infidelity is more common than obesity in this country. According to a recent University of Washington study, 28 percent of men will cheat on their wives at some point in their lives. By comparison, only 25 percent of Americans qualify as fat, according to a 2008 report by the Centers for Disease Control. And when you lower the stakes, adultery seems to become even more attractive: 74 percent of men say they’d have an affair if they knew they’d never get caught, reports InfidelityFacts.com. Somewhere between “I do” and “Be sure to leave the light on,” we became the men we said we would never be—the kind who kiss their wives good night and then fantasize about the redhead who was on the next elliptical that morning. We’ve spawned a cottage industry with our bad behavior: from private investigators and reality-TV shows dedicated to nailing the cheaters to AA-style support groups, weekend retreats, and crisis centers committed to healing the victims.

“A lot of people are coming to terms with the unnaturalness of monogamy,” says David P. Barash, coauthor of Strange Bedfellows: The Surprising Connection Between Evolution, Sex and Monogamy. “But there’s a difference between the public persona—what we like to think of each other—and what we all know goes on.” Barash, a zoologist and psychologist, has spent years debunking the notion that we have it within ourselves to remain faithful for long stretches of time. Turns out it’s just as unnatural for man as it is for almost any other member of the animal kingdom. One notable exception is Diplozoon paradoxum, a tiny parasitic worm that inhabits the intestines of fish and mates for life—but really, what are your options in there?    Continue reading…

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

21 Ways to Say “I Love You” Without Saying a Word

WebMD Feature from “Redbook” Magazine

By Sara Anderson

You already know it’s important for you and your guy to tell each other “I love you” — as often as possible. But you shouldn’t depend on those three little words to let your one-and-only know what’s in your heart. In fact, nonverbal displays of affection are often a better way to get through to the man in your life. “Guys tend to be action-oriented, so they feel less comfortable using words to express emotions,” says REDBOOK  Love Network expert and psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. “They’ve seen enough Tom Hanks movies to know they’re supposed to always say ‘I love you,’ but they’re not sure that words alone convey how they feel.”

Ready to let what you do speak louder than what you say? We asked REDBOOK readers and the men in their lives to share some sweet ideas. Plus, we added in some expert tips on how to give your love a boost without uttering a word.

“Sometimes I ‘write’ a love message on my husband’s breakfast toast. Using cookie cutters, especially my Valentine’s Day set of hearts, I press one lightly into a slice of bread, just hard enough to imprint it, then I toast it. It never fails to bring a smile to his face.” —Anita Crehan, Mason, NH

ROMANCE, REVISITED

“Every now and then I leave a card saying how much I love and appreciate him under his pillow for him to find before he goes to sleep.” —Cim Collins, Springfield, IL

“My wife, Leigh Anne, sometimes has to travel for work, and when she gets home, I give her a small gift for every day she has been gone. I’ll set them on the kitchen table and wait for her to notice them — things like her favorite perfume, fresh flowers, or a cool piece of hand-made jewelry. I love to spoil her!” —John Montgomery, Birmingham, AL

“I place special little love notes, cartoons, jokes, or small articles — sometimes racy ones — in her underwear drawer. She never knows what to expect next. She gets a big kick out of them and knows it is my way of saying I love her.” —Joe Cirillo Jr., Englewood, FL

“When I take a shower at night, I write messages on the fogged-up mirrors so they appear when he takes a shower in the morning before he goes to work.” —Jackie Peirce, Oley, PA

MAKE LIFE A LITTLE EASIER

“My husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush and leaves it lying on the sink for me every night before bed. He is the sweetest husband ever!” —Lisa Wilkes-North, Heath, TX

“I scour the TV listings for his favorite movies or a sporting event that I know he’d love to watch. I TiVo it without telling him, then surprise him with it on Saturday morning. Bonus: While he’s on the couch, I’ve just bought myself some me-time. Manicure, pedicure, here I come!” —Cindy Panowicz, Grand Island, NE      Continue reading…

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Olympic Track Star Removes Breast Implants To Improve Speed

via weirdnews.com

Olympics or bust?

Olympics, apparently.

Australian star hurdler Jana Pittman-Rawlinson recently reversed her $13,000 breast implant surgery, worried that her newly acquired chest was affecting her performance on the track.

“Every time I raced I panicked about whether I was letting my country down, all for my own vanity,” she said.

Pittman-Rawlinson thinks that the weight and heft of her new cleavage is causing added drag on her speed, and that ditching them will make her more aerodynamic.

Look, breast implants make a lot of women feel more confident — but if a beautiful, successful world champion athlete and Olympian doesn’t feel confident in her body, that doesn’t really bode well. Especially considering the fact that Pittman-Rawlinson told reporters that she wouldn’t rule out getting new implants after her track career is over.

If nothing else, maybe we can admire her commitment to the cause? “I absolutely loved having bigger boobs, but I don’t want to short-change Australia either,” she said. “I want to feel the most athletic I can, to know that I’m standing on the track in London (2012 Olympics) the fittest I can be.”

After all, downsizing your chest for the citizens of your country is patriotism at its finest, if you ask us.

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Celebs, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Your Fear Of Rejection Holding You Back?

via AskMen.com

I could never understand how some men have no fear of fighting, parachuting, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, and even going to war in times of need. Yet, when it comes to approaching women, their jaws lock and their knees start to wobble.

What is it about a woman that makes some of the strongest and courageous men freeze in their tracks? Is there some kind of chill in the air? Do women have some kind of secret weapon that makes us tongue-tied in their presence? Of course not; men are just too proud to risk rejection.

The big fear

The main reason most men panic when they approach women is their fear of rejection. This is a very natural preoccupation, as it is human nature to fear the unknown or, at the very least, the inexperience of making first contact with women.

So why is it that today’s men don’t practice as much as their forefathers? Probably because there is a lot more pressure for a man to succeed, as well as repercussions if he doesn’t.

Over the past three decades, women have become more independent, liberated and are no longer afraid of making demands. And if these demands are not met, most women won’t hesitate to move on to the next best thing (whatever that may be). This has left a lot of men feeling confused and lost as to how to approach a woman without scaring her off.

Too much pressure?

Most men believe that they’re expected to make the perfect first move; you’re expected to do it respectfully, gracefully, yet not too aggressively, otherwise you’ll be labeled a pervert, a pig or even be accused of sexual harassment. This pressure, in turn, has grown into a great monster, which leads a lot of men to avoid the hassle altogether.

Most of the shy men I’ve encountered have the same grievance: “I’d like to meet more women. But I’m scared of being rejected. Today’s women are too eager to hit the ‘reject’ trigger because they assume that any man who approaches them is a pervert.”

Overcome your fear of rejection. Begin by learning how to play the mating game… I could never understand how some men have no fear of fighting, parachuting, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, and even going to war in times of need. Yet, when it comes to approaching women, their jaws lock and their knees start to wobble.

What is it about a woman that makes some of the strongest and courageous men freeze in their tracks? Is there some kind of chill in the air? Do women have some kind of secret weapon that makes us tongue-tied in their presence? Of course not; men are just too proud to risk rejection.

The big fear

The main reason most men panic when they approach women is their fear of rejection. This is a very natural preoccupation, as it is human nature to fear the unknown or, at the very least, the inexperience of making first contact with women.

So why is it that today’s men don’t practice as much as their forefathers? Probably because there is a lot more pressure for a man to succeed, as well as repercussions if he doesn’t.

Over the past three decades, women have become more independent, liberated and are no longer afraid of making demands. And if these demands are not met, most women won’t hesitate to move on to the next best thing (whatever that may be). This has left a lot of men feeling confused and lost as to how to approach a woman without scaring her off.

Too much pressure?

Most men believe that they’re expected to make the perfect first move; you’re expected to do it respectfully, gracefully, yet not too aggressively, otherwise you’ll be labeled a pervert, a pig or even be accused of sexual harassment. This pressure, in turn, has grown into a great monster, which leads a lot of men to avoid the hassle altogether.

Most of the shy men I’ve encountered have the same grievance: “I’d like to meet more women. But I’m scared of being rejected. Today’s women are too eager to hit the ‘reject’ trigger because they assume that any man who approaches them is a pervert.”

Overcome your fear of rejection. Begin by learning how to play the mating game…

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Used Coffins Turn To Coffin Couches

Can you believe that these coffin couches were made from used coffins that collected from funeral homes? I was thinking these coffin couches were inspired by the coffin but I never expected they are “recycled” from real and used coffins.

We at Coffin Couches have the mindset of thinking “Green” and we know it is different but we strongly believe in recycling. Our niche happens to be 18 gauge steel coffins which we collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California. It is a health and safety law that funeral homes cannot resell used coffins to the general public. We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product – a unique one a kind coffin couch. If you notice (although it may be too small) the six cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard insignia. The reason we utilize this sign is because safety is our utmost concern. If you are not aware, once a human body is placed in a coffin it is considered biohazard tissue. The legs have the embossed insignia for precautionary reasons in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins. Perhaps you would feel safe knowing that you are in designated biohazard scene!

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Art/Culture, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

6 Tricks to Sex After a Divorce

By Julie Bogart, Sirens Magazine

As hard to believe as it may seem amid splitting up CD collections and hiring lawyers, there is (sex) life after divorce. And when you’re ready to take your friend’s, your mother’s, or your therapist’s advice and “get back out there,” there is much to discover—about yourself, your body, and, well, the act itself.

“While it may be a sad time in a woman’s life, the post-divorce period can also be a time of new sexual discoveries,” says sex psychologist Dennis Lin. And these sexual experiences “can be absolutely fabulous—and very different from what you were used to, especially as your marriage deteriorated,” according to Dale Koppel, author of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating.”

Sex as you know it could be forever altered—and for the better. Like with any uncharted territory, there will, of course, be a few surprises along the way. And though these surprises are part of the fun, it can’t hurt to have some idea of what you’re getting yourself into once you put yourself back on the market:

You Might Feel Like a Teenager—Again

Dating again—and having sex with someone new—can be “scary and exciting all together,” says Cathie Helfand, a psychotherapist and family life educator.

“Emotionally, I tell everyone to expect to feel about 15 years old,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, therapist and author of “Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go.” “Having sex with someone new after being married for a long time will likely feel strange and awkward and can be much more emotional than one might think.”

Women shouldn’t push themselves into anything they don’t feel comfortable doing, she says. Even though you may feel like one, you’re not a teenager, and  “you need to take charge of how quickly the sex part of a relationship goes.”

First-Time Jitters Come Standard

Unfortunately, those pesky “first-time” nerves are part of the return-to-adolescence package. However, as an adult, you can find more effective ways to overcome them than you did when you were a kid. “It’s virtually impossible to get over that ‘first-time’ nervousness, so don’t even try,” says Koppel. “Instead, tell the man how nervous you are. He’ll most likely admit to being nervous, too.”

Whatever you do, don’t feel guilty about having sex with a new partner, says Lin. “You’re divorced; it’s not cheating.” Also, “remember that different people have sex differently. Be observant of your new partner’s likes and dislikes, and communicate your likes and dislikes to him. Enjoy the new experience and have fun.”

It Pays to Be Prepared

Yet another way to get over the proverbial first-time hump is to simply be prepared. “Start buying sexy lingerie—and condoms,” advises Koppel. Gadoua recommends visiting a local sex/lingerie shop or checking out Good Vibrations to learn more about the hows and whys of safe sex.    Continue reading…

January 5, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s More to Sex Than a Cum Shot to the Face: What Men Should Unlearn from Hardcore Porn

By Vanessa Richmond, AlterNet

There are no more male porn virgins. A Canadian study released this week sought to compare the views of 20-something men who watch porn with those who don’t. They couldn’t find a single one who hadn’t seen any. “Guys who do not watch pornography do not exist,” concluded the lead researcher, Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse of the University of Montreal’s School of Social Work.

Guys who watch a lot of pornography, however, are easy to find. Of the 20-something heterosexual men they interviewed, most had sought out pornography for the first time at age 10. The single men among them, on average, watch porn three times a week for 40 minutes, and those in relationships, 1.7 times a week for around 20 minutes. In no small part that’s because porn so easy to find: 90 percent of consumption is on the Internet, while only 10 percent is from the video store.

But no matter: the authors of the study concluded that the sex lives of their young subjects were “pretty conventional, almost identical to their parents,” that “pornography has been demonized and that its effects are negligible.” And that pornography is not a “neurotoxin” that damages the brain as some anti-pornography “crusaders” claim: “As for the persistent perception that pornography breeds crime against women: aggressive men don’t need porn as an incentive to be violent.”

I can accept that pornography doesn’t make its audience violent, and that most people’s sex lives are still pretty conventional. But when I asked my friends about their experiences, they couldn’t disagree more that porn’s effects are negligible. Few of my friends are anti-porn. None think pornography makes men violent. But all say porn has changed their male partners’ approach to sex. Like the authors of the recent glut of articles on the topic, my friends mention everything from new pubic hair preferences to new special requests. One friend said she’s dreading her boyfriend’s upcoming birthday because he views it as his “anything he wants” night. While she doesn’t mind dressing up, she’s dreading the “porn requests” (she didn’t specify what those are, so we can only imagine).

In a recent piece on Salon, Mary Elizabeth Williams realized porn had changed her sex life when her partner asked, for the 18th time, without noticing that she wasn’t answering, “You like that, baby?” And then it hit her: “I wasn’t just having bad sex. I was having bad porn sex.”

Williams and others are experiencing firsthand the effect porn has had not just on grown men who grew up without it and are now watching it, but on the young generation that grew up watching it. And the effect on that generation — Generation Y — is even more significant, especially given the dearth of real sex ed. According to an article in Details, “The awkward truth…is that 90 percent of 8- to-16-year-olds have viewed pornography online. Considering the standard climax to even the most vanilla hard-core scene today, that means there is an entire generation of young people who think sex ends with a money shot to the face.”   Continue reading…

January 5, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Men Fake Orgasms? What?

By Elizabeth Black, AlterNet

If you thought that only women faked orgasms, you’d be wrong. Plenty of men fake their way out of the sack. How on earth can a guy even fake an orgasm? What is he going to do, spray dish detergent and try to pass it off as semen? More importantly, why would a man want to pull off this kind of bluff?

Apparently, lots of men fake the Big “O” and some were willing to talk to me about it. I asked men in an online sex forum how many had faked orgasms, and I received some very fascinating – and distressing — answers. Steve found himself in an awkward position when he bedded a woman to whom he was not very attracted, but he felt the pressure to perform. “I wasn’t able to manage to keep it up for long because I really, really wasn’t enjoying myself,” he wrote. “So as I realized that I was going to be a limp noodle at any moment anyway, I pretended to cum then quickly disposed of the condom. Definitely not one of my prouder moments.” Alex expressed similar sentiments when he admitted his reasons and method for faking. ” … there were a variety of reasons. Most commonly, it was just pure boredom and my attention span with someone had ceased or a very determined girl that wouldn’t accept the fact that I just wasn’t going to get off at that moment in time.” Chris admitted that exhaustion was his reason for faking it. “To be fair, I think each time it was at least the third fuck of the day,” he wrote. “And it was nice at first, but after a while I just wanted it over with. I wouldn’t dream of doing that now though.”

The exact percentage of men who fake orgasms varies depending on the source. The ABC News Primetime Live Poll: The American Sex Survey (2004) reported that eleven percent of men surveyed said they had faked orgasms. A study by Muehlenhard and Shippee of students at the University of Kansas (2009) found that as many as twenty-five percent of men surveyed reported that they faked orgasms on occasion. While there are many ways men who fake orgasms get away with it, the most common way is to use a condom. What will the partner do, inspect the rubber? Another way men fake orgasm is to say they don’t make much ejaculate. When a woman is already wet and slick with her own arousal, she’s likely to believe him.

It turns out that men fake orgasms for many of the same reasons women do. The most common reasons for faking orgasms cited by men in that internet sex forum were (1) not particularly aroused or into their partner, (2) boring sex, (3) difficulties holding an erection or coming, (4) not wanting to disappoint their partner, (5) performance anxiety, and (6) fatigue. While men’s stated reasons for faking orgasms are similar to women’s reasons, the question is, why fake an orgasm instead of just saying that you want to stop having sex? What kind of pressures are men under that makes them feel as if they have to fake it? Alex, Steve, and Chris described a very common pressure men experience: they feel a strong need to perform, and this pressure is based on the influence of porn culture, media, advertising, and magazine articles. Bombarded with pornographic images, commercials touting erection-enhancing drugs like Viagra, and magazine articles about how to keep thrusting until she screams for mercy, men are under a tremendous amount of pressure to come hard, come fast, and give their partners orgasms so intense that plaster falls off the walls.

No wonder so many men have trouble enjoying sex and coming to orgasm!

So what’s to blame for such dismal sexual experiences? Patriarchy, of course. Sexuality under patriarchy has long been known to penalize women. However, patriarchy has also negatively impacted men’s sexuality by placing most of their focus on their erections, penis size, performance, orgasms, and ejaculation. 

How can men rethink their sexuality in such a way that opens up all the possibilities for sexual enjoyment and emotional closeness that is discouraged under the stunted view of sex according to patriarchy? According to Patti Brisben, the CEO and founder of Pure Romance, in her article “Why You Shouldn’t Fake An Orgasm”, “by faking pleasure, you’re not only neglecting your needs, but you aren’t being honest with your spouse. Let’s face it, if you’re faking in the bedroom, where else are you faking? Being in a committed relationship is about being open enough to communicate about all aspects, especially the tougher topics that may embarrass you like issues regarding your sexuality.”

When men equate good sex with a huge erection and a rocking climax, they overlook the rest of the sex act and especially the emotional closeness that makes sex such a powerful and caring experience. Women have always had the “Not tonight, honey. I have a headache” excuse to get out of unsatisfying sex, but men have no similar alternative. The patriarchal view of men encourages them to rut like dogs, as if they were animals that cannot control their sexual urges – fuck anything that moves and fuck it hard. Rather than focus so much on their erections and ejaculation, as they have been instructed since they found their first lad magazine touting performance and orgasms, men can change their sexual outlook so that not only they but their partners benefit.

Once David admitted to his ex that he had been pretending to come into a towel, their sex life improved. He said, “I used to fake it on a regular basis with my ex. She was a selfish lover and after a good hour of doing all of the work I’d get tired. Rather than dealing with her being upset that I didn’t come, I would pull out and fake cumming into a towel. Once I realized how stupid that was, I told her and our sex life did improve.” Communication is the key to unlocking more rewarding sexual experiences: it helps both genders toss aside societal pressure to perform and help them enjoy the trip as much as the destination.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Health/Sports, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating a Cougar

Cougars. Grrr! Is there a young man amongst us who hasn’t daydreamt about the hot checkout lady or their friend’s foxy mom? It’s ok, fellas; cougar dating is all the rage. If you’re a cub on the prowl for sexy older ladies, though, a word of warning; they’re confident, assertive women who know what they want. Not sure you’ll match up? Here at Cougared.com, the dating site for older women and younger men, we carried out the Cougar Report, finding out just what older women are looking for. Check out our quick guide to the dos and don’ts of dating a cougar.

Don’t expect to be spoiled

In any kind of age-gap relationship, people expect the older partner to shower the younger one with presents, money, expensive dinners, hotel rooms and the like. Well, the new breed of cougar women doesn’t see it like that; after all, why should they pay for you? If you’re out to snag a cougar, make sure you bring your wallet and prepare to split the check; they’re watching out for gold-diggers!

Don’t always expect a casual fling

Cougars may be hot, but they’re also human. Contrary to popular belief, cougar women are not simply machines out for sex, sex and more sex; some are also out for meaningful relationships. So, don’t head out looking for cougars thinking all you’ll find is a one-night stand; they might just want to get their claws into you for longer.

Don’t get freaked out by her previous relationships

“Oh no, she’s got an ex-husband: baggage!” If that’s a phrase likely to come out of your mouth, either grow up and take it like a man, or don’t bother looking for a cougar. 76% of cougar women interviewed by www.cougared.com are either divorced or separated, so if you’re not man enough to handle her past, stick to college girls.

Do go for romance

Even if you’re only looking for some fun, a little romance can go a long way with a cougar. An overwhelming majority of cougars interviewed said that they enjoyed dates involving cosy local restaurants or home-cooked meals rather than constant bar-hopping. By all means meet your cougar in some glitzy club, but if you get as far as a date, show her some romance and you’ll go a long way – perhaps all the way back to her place.

Do show some enthusiasm

The Cougar Report demonstrated that cougars, though attracted by younger men’s physicality, had other reasons for seeking out cubs. The majority of women interviewed were actually put off by dating men closer to them in age due to the tendency for older men to be weighed down with the baggage of failed marriages or long-term relationships and showed a jaded attitude. So, the number one quality a cougar is looking for isn’t a ripped torso; it’s a lust for life. Show some energy and she’ll fall at your feet.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Women as explained by Engineers‏

This post is to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

January 4, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hypnotist vs Police Officer

This guy is trying to get a cop chasing him by burning headlights and doubling the speed limit. When the cop pulls him over, he uses several techniques that hypnotists have been using for decades. He’s able to bring so much confusion to the cop so that he can actually turn the tables, ask the cop for some directions and drive away.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Humor, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Striptease Goes Wrong

As a man I know all men like it if a girl strips for them.  This guy wants to give his girlfriend a little striptease for her enjoyment.  I hope we all learn from this guy what not to do…

December 6, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Humor, Music | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment