The Neanderthal Post

Survival of the Blog

Pretty Is as Pretty Does

By Miranda Hitti
WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

To be more physically attractive to the opposite sex, you may want to give your personality a makeover.

A new study states that “personality goes a long way toward determining your attractiveness; it can even change people’s impressions of how good looking you are.”

The study included 78 college students at a northeastern U.S. university.

First, they watched a computer screen display 36 facial photos of members of the opposite sex.

The students rated the physical attractiveness of the people in the photos on a scale of 1 (extremely unattractive) to 10 (extremely attractive).

Next, the students were asked to count down from a large number by sevens and then up by 13s.

That task was all about distracting them before they saw the photos again. As the photos reappeared, the students heard about each person’s personality.

Some were described as being honest, humorous, mature, intelligent, polite, and helpful. Others were called abusive, offensive, unstable, cruel, unfair, and rude.

Lastly, the students repeated their physical attractiveness ratings and noted whether they wanted to befriend or date the people in the photos.

Personality rocked the results.

People who looked good lost ground if they had nasty personalities. And those in the middle of the pack or further down on the looks scale benefited from an admirable personality.

Likewise, people weren’t keen to date or befriend the beautiful but cruel. Instead, they’d rather spend time with someone with a better personality.

The results were a bit stronger for women. But “personality was of great importance to both genders,” write the researchers.

They included Gary Lewandowski Jr., PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey.

Single students and students in romantic relationships both connected physical attractiveness and personality.

The bottom line: “While it may still be important to be physically attractive, it is also important to convey a desirable personality,” write the researchers.

They add that “these findings are particularly encouraging as cosmetic surgery becomes increasingly common.”

Their study appears in the scholarly journal Personal Relationships.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love, News | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Get Him to Tell the Truth

By Mina Azodi Cosmopolitan

Like it or not, every guy, even the nice ones, won’t tell the truth now and then, says Xavier Amador, PhD, author of I’m Right, You’re Wrong, Now What? Of course, lying about big things, like cheating, is a deal breaker. But if he’s fudging the details about smaller stuff — such as whether he really needs to work late on the same night as your best friend’s birthday dinner or why he’s been moody all weekend — he’s probably not doing it to hurt you.

“Men tell little lies to avoid conflict,” Amador says. The next time you get that nagging feeling that he’s full of it, use these strategies to trigger a voluntary confession.

Bring His Guard Down

Put him at ease and he’ll be more likely to blab. Position yourself across the room from him — if he’s sitting on the couch, sit on the floor, 6 to 9 feet away. “When a guy is on edge, his personal-space bubble expands, and sitting lower than him signals that it’s a nonthreatening conversation,” says Janine Driver, body-language and deception-detection expert. Also, face him at an angle, which is less intimidating to him than being head-on.

Then start with a general question that’s related to the lie. If you suspect he fibbed about doing something you had asked, say something like “So how did that thing go?” Meanwhile, appear distracted by flipping TV channels or messing around on your laptop. “This will get him talking, because it feels like you’ve initiated a routine conversation, not an interrogation,” Driver says.

Avoid Accusations

Next, lead him to the truth by making a nonconfrontational statement — now is not the time to test the skills you’ve cribbed from Law & Order. Say these five magic words: “Is there any reason why…” and complete the sentence by describing how you think he may be deceiving you. For example, “Is there any reason why you wouldn’t want to come to Sarah’s party with me?” It’ll seem like a request for information, not an accusation, says Driver. If he still skirts the issue, ask “Really?” in a confused tone, and wait quietly. According to Driver, staying silent subtly ups the pressure without making him feel cornered.

Don’t Make Him Regret It

Ultimately, you have to make him feel safe. “Let him know you won’t punish him for telling the truth and he’ll be less likely to lie in the first place,” Amador says.

When he confesses, find a way to cool off — hang out with friends or go shopping — then talk about how you can make your relationship more open. Driver suggests thanking him for coming clean. Say “I appreciate your telling the truth. You always do, and I admire that about you.” This is a line that cops use during questioning. “You’re assigning him a trait you want him to have — honesty,” says Driver. “As a result, he’s more likely to own up in the future.”

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Dating/Sex, Love | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment